GypsyK

Where is the good news?

2010-01-31T17:29:00.003-05:00

I thought the bad stuff was going to end at the strike of midnight on 31 December 2009? We had all agreed that although 2009 had some good parts, it was a shite year and we were moving on to bigger and better things in 2010.

Well, I did my part and adjusted my attitude and was ready to face some serious good news.

...
...

Dude, where's my good news? One very close friend lost her father very suddenly to cancer this week (he was just about to start chemo). Another has been in and out of the hospital with complications for Cystic Fibrosis and will likely need a double lung transplant this year. It seems like all the stories I hear lately are about looming operations, cheating husbands, unemployment, diabetes, cancer, gallbladder problems, ulcers.... it goes on.

Maybe we're following the wrong calender? When is Chinese New Year? Will the year of the Tiger show us more love? PLEASE?

Isn't this what the global warming debate is actually all about?

2009-12-20T07:50:00.002-05:00

The cartoon is by Joel Pett and appeared in USA today. Source: http://www.cartoons.nytimages.com/portal/wieck_preview_page_208831

Flying home

2009-12-18T06:32:00.001-05:00

At airport on the way back to Canada for Christmas. The people beside me have never flown before and were shocked to find out it is a 7 hr flight and to learn about the time change. I guess I take for granted I know about those things and how they work. But still, I was a bit shocked.

Tried to get upgraded but no luck. Had the most amazing luck being upgraded with Tim on our flight to Osaka in October for our friends wedding. Business class! Massage chairs! Champagne! Tons of leg room and they served us ice cream at midnight! I was so happy. Now I ask every time.

Excited to go home but also know it will be a trip of mixed emotions. Great to see friends but will also be attending a memorial service for a friend who I'm used to spending a lot of time with over the holidays. And i'm going to miss Tim who will be in Liverpool for Christmas. But overall I'm very happy and excited to see everyone. Especially since last year I wasn't able to go home.

Now comes the flight. On the exciting side: MOVIES!!! In the not so exciting side: being stuck in a small space with lots of grumpy people. Here's hoping for a smooth flight.
- Posted from my iPhone

Phone call Saturday afternoon

2009-12-14T11:38:00.003-05:00

I was in the queue at Argos with Tim when I got a call from a friend at home informing me that my dear friend Brent has passed away. I spoke to him on the phone and asked him all the right questions but wasn't sad or upset. My head was just spinning. When I was off the phone and Tim came up to me to ask me what was wrong after he paid for the item I burst into tears and told him. Then we walked home.

I'm very sad. For Brent, for his family and friends, for me, for everything.

It was complications from H1N1. He was 30 and the loveliest friend. Really. I'm so thankful that I'll be home for one of the memorials.

Loneliness of a Short Distance Runner

2009-12-11T08:22:00.007-05:00

No desire to run. Shivering inside the house, why would I want to go outside in my running gear and freeze even more? But I want to want to run. And I know how good it feels after. Once I'm inside again, warm, feeling like I've accomplished something, feeling less guilty about a bit of sugary snack after lunch. Feeling like I've earned the right to get out of the house and just wander around, get a coffee, read a book. I'm not sure if it's good or bad that I've turned running into a daily (mon-fri) mandatory punishment. I have no desire to run but the sooner I go, the sooner I can have lunch. Now there's motivation.

...

Am back. Today was one of those running-through-water runs. But feeling better now. For a while I was doing 5 runs a week (anywhere from 15 - 45 minute per run) but am now down to 4 a week and trying to go slightly longer - 25 - 45 minutes per run. Doesn't seem like that much of a difference but in the past towards the end of the week I would lose my motivation and only run for 15 minutes. If I up my minimum by 10 minutes then I get an extra mile or two in and up my endurance. Well, hopefully.

Fun application on my iPhone has made the runs a lot more tolerable. It's called iMapMyRun and by turning on the phone's GPS it tracks where you run, tells you how far and how fast you are going. Very cool. My one complaint is that the voice feedback feature which was included on the free download initially is now only available in the paid version. I should never have downloaded the upgrade on the free version!! Oh well, the paid application is much better than the free one. And good on them for sorting out a way to monetise the application even more. I'm sure more iPhone applications will be doing the same soon.

Right, now where's my lunch!?

Early resolutions

2009-12-10T07:00:00.002-05:00

- start blogging again
- re-join Flickr and start uploading my photos again
- get back in touch with lost friends
- get back into yoga
- take more photos

It has been a long, dark 2009. Most of it was spent unemployed, underemployed, nearly broke, broke, applying for endless jobs with a seemingly endless amount of rejections, being far away from family and friends. But it was also a great year. Living in an amazing flat in London. Having a great boyfriend to live there with. Attending my graduation from Cambridge in May. Going to Portugal, Spain, Ireland, Japan and to Canada for 3 visits. Cooking a lot of great food. Hosting a lot of fun parties. Running my first 10km race. Slowly building some new friendships.

To be honest, the past year I've been avoiding writing because things have been so grim and I hated to face it. But I think it's time to start writing again if not for anything other than just to get writing again. Let's see.

Twit...

2008-12-07T19:03:00.004-05:00

It's been ages....

I have been trying to communicate via Twitter updates as I have found it easier to do a two-line update rather than face the blog.

What is new with me?
Not much. I think I was waiting until I got a job to write a post. Writing posts when looking for jobs is a bit depressing. My days go a lot like this.... "search for jobs online. apply for jobs. wait for calls. repeat." Not terribly exciting.
I still am looking. No jobs just yet. I picked an unfavourable time to graduate from business school. Such is life.
Spending the holidays in Britain this year. Going up to Liverpool to spend the holidays with some friends and Tim and his family. Sad not to go home, but it is not economically feasible right now. I'll head home for a couple weeks in January I think.
Living in London. Lovely city. Gorgeous. Fun. Exciting. Huge. The weather in London is rainier than Cambridge. But I might just notice it more because I'm at home rather than stuck in class all day. But I've been really liking it. Have some good friends here too, so that makes it much easier.

Lots of ups and downs but it's been more good than bad for sure! I'm trying to do something "fun" every day in December and will try to twitter about it, such that you all can know a little more about what i'm up to!

Life is good! Things are good! Happy December!

Respect

2008-08-05T10:49:00.002-04:00

I am having a tough time writing my final research paper. It takes so much concentration and discipline to just sit and read and write without the motivational power of a teacher or a group or a upcoming deadline. I mean, my deadline is coming up at the end of August, but that seems so far away. Problem is that I have to write and research a pretty big paper, and put together a presentation for the organization I'm doing the paper for, and time is ticking. Anyway, I've learned that I'm not very good at keeping myself on track for these types of things. But I am still plugging away and getting progress made. And I'm sure it will get done and it will be fairly good. But I just wish I was one of those people in my class who were able to pump out their first draft in like 4 weeks and are now sitting pretty able to relax the rest of the summer. I have a lot of respect for those people. And for the academics who spend all their time researching writing, with no one there to hound them but themselves.

I've been coming into school to work because its too lonely at home and I go a little mental when I don't talk to anyone all day. It's been great here in that I can get work done, but then i can go visit my friends and talk to them when i want to take a break. And have someone to eat my lunch with. And see people who aren't really in my normal group of friends who I normally wouldn't see. It's comforting to still feel a part of the business school where I am still safely outside of the "real world" for a few more weeks. The real world is scaring me a bit lately.

It will all work out.

2008-07-21T08:11:00.002-04:00

I find myself saying "I'm sure it will all work out" a lot lately. Mostly in response to people asking me what I'm doing for a job upon my graduation, and how I'm going to survive living in one of the most expensive cities in the world, London, as of September. Blind faith? Optimism? Stupidity? Well, more than anything, I've come to realize that if you stress about something like this, something that relies a lot on luck and randomness, it makes life a lot more miserable. And that as long as you put some effort into your quest, and are realistic about potential outcomes, things will work out eventually. Having flexible end-goals is also advisable.

In our negotiation class this year, we learned that you should always approach a potential negotiation situation with a BATNA. A BATNA is a "Best Alternative To Negotiated Agreement", which in laymen terms is basically your contingency plan if nothing else works out.

My BATNA is to use contacts I have in the short-term contract not-for-profit sector. But I'm not thinking about that too much just yet. I'll stick with the blind faith for now.

Can I do it?

2008-07-15T06:43:00.002-04:00

Well then. It's been a while. I'm going to try this blogging thing again. I have been easing myself back into it via TWITTER (see the mini-updates above), but am not sure how great I'll be at full blog posts. We'll see. Fingers crossed.

An update:

1) Done the classroom component of my MBA at Cambridge. Now just working on my final project, a research project for a major bank here in the UK. It's quite an interesting one, if only I had the willpower to focus on it for more than a few hours at a time.
2) Living in Cambridge for the summer, subletting a place. Much Much Much better than residence with tiny bedroom and not much else except a shared kitchen with a bunch of messy people, a couple really nice people, and one deranged Austrian who accuses everyone of stealing his food.
3) Living with Tim. So far so good.
4) Looking for jobs. Back in May I had an offer but in the end turned it down because it was a sector that bored me to death and the company had a terrible reputation for work culture. Let's hope that's not something I live to regret!!!

One post down. I'm not promising anything... but I'll try to update.

What I don't want to do when I grow up...

2007-10-18T18:52:00.000-04:00

Last weekend I had a lovely time heading to London for a Not for Profit recruitment fair. I found it to be a bit lacking but I got a chance to talk to a few not for profit recruiting firms and they told me about the current job prospects (at least in the UK) and critiqued my resume (called a CV here). I am realizing that I probably won't be working in not for profit right away upon graduation - unless i find my dream job, but would rather gain more experience (and perhaps more money to pay off that little LOAN I have) working either in consulting or industry. And in business school terms, industry means anything outside the realm of finance, consulting, or non profit/public sector. Maybe public sector would be ok - pays a BIT more than non profit. Ok, I'm rambling now. But you can see where my mind is. On careers. Yes, 4 weeks into our program I'm already stressed about jobs. But they have trained us to be this way already. They say that the 'hidden' 7th course that actually gives us the most work is careers.

There have been a slew of networking and info nights. Nearly every evening the caterers are coming into our common area, setting up tables and getting the wine & olives & brownies out. I dont' go to as many events as others - most of them have actually been finance-based lately - although sometimes I sneak over for free food if I am studying in the MBA syndicate room. We have our own little room with a foos ball table (I think it has only been used twice and both times it was me), computers, printers, couches, a microwave & kettle and then cubicled study areas. I pretty much live in there. Today I was at school for 13 hours. By the end, there were 5 of us in the syndicate room just going mental and laughing at nothing. It is usually pretty productive though and I find it better to study there than at home (both for peer pressure to study harder as well as having the other people there to unwind with).

When I was in London I got a chance to visit my lovely friend Dave who I went to high school with. We had a belated Canadian Thanksgiving dinner with some of his friends and even had turkey (breasts) and pumpkin pie. Delicious. It was great to escape Cambridge for a few hours. I love it here and everything, but stepping away from it was a bit of a relief. It's like a little bubble from which you sometimes forget about the rest of the world. All consuming at times.

Tonight after classes I went to a JP Morgan recruiting session just to check out the investment banking prospects and was thoroughly put off. I think I was right to assume from the beginning that finance is not my thing. The guy presenting was a Cambridge Alum who came across as the biggest jerk of all time. Telling us about how JP Morgan is so work-life balanced compared to other firms because they only work about 11 hours a day. Also completely crapping upon a bunch of other firms that had recently been to recruit at our school. And this is the guy they send to convince people to work there? The scary thing was talking to some of my classmates afterward and hearing about how they thought he was great and how much they want to work for that company. Did we see the same presentation? Toward the end he was talking about positions as Fund Managers. I made a note to the friend sitting beside me and wrote that I think I found my dream job at JP Morgan - FUN MANAGER! From there we got the giggles and couldn't look at each other until the talk was done.

Rowing is still part of my life although it is tough because we are so terrible. I didn't realize how hard it would be for 8 new rowers to row in unison. I think it will be weeks before we get the hang of it (at very least). But for now our cox just screams her head off at us. I'm not a natural. That's all I'll say. My Olympic dreams are dashed. Such is life.

Diving into icy water

2007-10-11T18:33:00.000-04:00

Things have been busy. I feel like a broken record already and it has only really been 4 weeks. Classes are tough (although the tons of team work actually helps me because I have 2 people in my team with finance backgrounds who can explain things to me) although I'm still really having a great time.

A typical day:
7am - wake up
8am - arrive at school to do readings for an hour in the MBA syndicate room- also make my tea or coffee so I can stay alert for the first class
9am - classes start - until 12:30 (there is a 20 minute tea break half-way through
12:30 - 2pm - lunch and usually a team meeting or else this is the only time to do running around while shops are open for regular business hours.
2 - 5:30pm - more classes with another break. the only day we dont' have a full day is Wednesday but that is the day we often have career workshops.
5:30 - 7:30 I usually stick around and read for a while until my stomach is about to consume itself.
7:30 - 10:30 - go back to my college to prepare dinner and then do internet! then i study some more!!
10:30 - 12 - if I am not doing work or talking on the phone I might go for a drink at my college pub.
12 - 1am - I actually usually clean my room up and prepare things for the next day - then I collapse! :)

The reading and assignment thing - I really read that much. I am so proud of myself! But at the same time, as assignments are starting to build up as well as my obligations as social officer increase (attending many social events- DARN), some readings may go un-read. but I guess that's all just part of it. The deputy director of our program came for drinks tonight. They all keep mentioning how important it is that we all go out and socialize this year. I was really impressed that we had a turnout of 35 people for pub night tonight considering we are in the middle of finance recruitment week and we all have readings coming out the wazoo - but our class has a real sense of team and hopefully it lasts for a while.

One really fun thing that happened tonight was that there was a pub quiz! We did terribly, mostly because my team was me, a Nigerian, a Kiwi, and a South African-born, British raised doctor who has been living in Antarctica for the last 2 years. And most of the questions were all about UK politics and entertainment. Luckily we still came third. But next time I might pick my team a little more carefully.

The weather has still been really nice. Although in the mornings, it's killer. SO COLD. And hopping on the bike and pedalling out is SO TOUGH those first few minutes before I warm up. But what a way to wake up in the morning!

Net Present Value

2007-10-04T15:58:00.000-04:00

Oy, this week has been hectic. Our 'real' classes began on Monday with finance and management strategy. The learning curve is pretty steep but I think I'm somewhere in the middle of the pack as far as understanding everything goes. Or so I hope! Considering that 30% of our class come from an Engineering background and 20% from Humanities - there are quite a few of us who are having the same problems bending our minds in new and interesting ways. And some are not as interesting as others (accounting). We have succumbed to entertaining ourselves with finance jokes. Very lame. But after a full day of lectures and even more hours of reading and case studies - almost anything is funny.

My fear coming into this program would be that I might not fit in with the class. That I might not have anything substantial to offer. I realize now that I was wrong. I think I fit in rather well. I think I have quite a bit to offer. I look around me and see people who I would totally be friends with outside the classroom. What a relief! And some of us open up we find out that we had the same sneaking fear.

There is so much to do here. Never mind the work - there is too much of that to even think about. But then there is rowing. That will be my exercise and my networking within my college. There is also something called the Cambridge Union which organizes major debates and speaker series. Incredible speaker series! You can buy a lifetime membership and have access to attend events like: Stephen Hawking!!! Muammar al-Gaddafi!!! Cambridge's own James Watson - hello DNA structure!! Then there is the Cambridge Business Society's events - so far I'm the only one running for social coordinator. Hmmm. What am I getting myself into!?!? But how do I say no to these things? You just can't. You only live once, right?

Things that I am hating about here: going shopping takes forever because they have all different products than I'm used to so I'm constantly trying to find the brands and things I like. Banking is ridiculous - it took them 3 weeks to send me my bank card. Everything is WAAY too expensive. I save money by making all my meals (including packing a lunch most days of the week) but sometimes you have no choice but to buy that 3pound sandwich.

One good thing - everyone knows how to pronounce my last name! Thank you Vanessa Paradis (known in Canada only as Johnny Depp's wife)! Joe le Taxi - her hit in the late 80's made her a huge name here and everyone knows her and the song! Now I do too. Pure cheese. But it's french cheese so it's not quite so bad. :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p032PIKdp7A

Longer Boats

2007-09-30T18:08:00.000-04:00

Where to begin. My precious bike "the millennium falcon" got a flat tire after I took a sweet jump off the curb. Ok, it wasnt' a sweet jump, I was just riding on the sidewalk for a bit so that I could pass a bus and when I came around and off the curb my bike was suddenly very difficult to pedal and I had no idea why. I got to school and looked down and saw that my rear tire was completely flat and a little bit damaged. Unfortunately, that was a very busy day and I was unable to bring it in to the Bike Man to get it fixed. Friday night I was walking all over the place (home to read finance - not my favourite topic) then to a pub where one of my classmates is working. From there my original plan was to go home but was convinced to check out a "Hollywood Bop" at a nearby college (a bop is what they call an organized party in the UK). Everyone was dressed up in some glammed up clothes (except for the 50 MBAs who showed up) and the music was a total mix with some movie theme songs mixed in. Considering I really hadn't wanted to go out that night - I had a great time. And it was a crazy night. Most of my class had been partying since school ended (around 5) and I hadn't joined them until 9:30 so they were all pretty crazy. Apparently most people were out until 4 - I wasn't one of them as I had rowing the next morning.

Yes - rowing! We were told to meet at the back gate at 11am and from there they told us we had to bike to the boathouse. One problem - I still didn't have my bike back! Luckily a girl from the boat club had an extra bike. A children's mountain bike. Like for teens I think. It was small. I am not small. Riding it KILLED ME! My knees were practically up to my chest as I pedaled and I realized that there was hardly any air in either tire so it made it even harder to control & pedal. I was having serious doubts as to whether or not I would even make it to the boat club, never mind actually be able to summon up the strength to row. But I did.

Rowing is a team sport. We are in boats of 8 - started out mixed - eventually it will be guys in one and girls in another. Practices will be a few times a week in the mornings before school (on the river by 7:30 and at class by 9). But if this is my sole means of exercising, then I think it will be fine. Plus this is giving me a way to get to participate with the other people in my college. And get fit (rowing is GREAT exercise). And have fun. Plus it's rowing! At Cambridge! How cool is that?!

A few things about rowing that I didn't know before. Your shoes are attached to the boat. The cox person tells you what to do and you are referred to only by seat number (I was #5) or if you are in the stern 4 (back of the boat) or bow 4 (front of the boat). And she yells alot. And you have to do everything at the same time as everyone else. It's interesting. I like it. So far. Ask me next time I have a 7:30am practice and it is raining and I might have a different answer.

Last night a group of us had dinner at someone's apartment. Chinese food prepared by our friends Steffi (Chinese girl) and Penny (Singaporean guy). Great food and good friends. I like the people in my class. I'm pretty lucky.

Ok - update on the "should I run for president thing". I'm just going to go for Social Coordinator because I want to have time to do things like row and also not be the one responsible for delegating tasks like fundraising. I just want to plan the parties!

Also, good news! The Economist Business School ranking has placed Cambridge - Judge Business School in 7th overall worldwide! Not too shabby! Although these rankings mostly have to do with return on investment and how much money you are making in 5 years compared to how much your tuition was, so it is rather meaningless to someone like me who just wants a job I like, not to be a millionaire, but at least it is good press for the school and everyone seems pretty pumped about it.

Just a fool to believe...

2007-09-27T18:46:00.000-04:00

We had this presentation by the Cambridge Business School Association about the club they have and a bunch of people started saying that I should run for president! So i was thinking about it and even found a running mate! (a girl from Nigeria named Maxine). Then as word got round that i was thinking about it suddenly people were coming up to me trying to convince me to run for other things (like social coordinator) which i would be good at but from talking to much of the class i think i actually have a chance to win as president! so what do i do? because president could actually lead me to have less friends - isolation from the top, you know? yet it looks great on a resume and I love to get involved. but social coordinator could be fun too -but not as high profile and why not go for pres if I have a chance of winning because at very least people will learn who i am and why I am interested in participating! I'm confused. And being led in many directions. And I started this day by feeling like I would never be able to make my mark in this program, but perhaps today I discovered that I can! I just have until the weekend to decide. Not sure what to do...running would mean going against a popular South African girl, an Italian guy, an American guy, and a Dutch guy (who is my friend). how do I get myself involved in these things... I really don't know.

Freak Out Averted

2007-09-26T18:02:00.000-04:00

Wow, things get complicated fast. Suddenly I had a group meeting, 3 things due, and a special interest group meeting (for consultancy) to attend and I was kind of freaking out. On top of that we had a seminar on effective CVs (resumes) and were given the dates when ours were due. We have one on one sessions coming up with the careers team and they are putting together a profile book which they will distribute to like 500 top companies around the world. I didn't realize the job search was starting from day one. A guy in my group already has an interview in a couple of weeks. Although the difference between him and 65% of me and my classmates is that his background is in finance and consulting whereas the rest of us are coming from a variety of backgrounds and are looking to do a change in career or at least sector.

Last night I went out for the Mid-Autumn Festival celebrations with the majority of the Chinese contingent of our class, as well as a bunch more (46 in total) to a Chinese restaurant for a 7-course delicious meal (including one moon cake per table) for only 10pounds each! Then a bunch of us took out Penny (a guy from Singapore) for drinks to thank him for organizing the event. The Eagle (where we usually end up congregating for at least part of the night) is a historic pub where Crick and Watson announced they had discovered the structure of DNA back in 1953 Coming home at 11:30 and realizing the work I SHOULD have been doing was actually a great little shocker to push me to work my butt off today and feel a little more caught up and in control. It's all about the work/social balance though. They keep stressing that to us. That networking with our classmates will actually be the greatest thing we can do this year. So I am allowed to go out sometimes. And I will. But I will also spend countless hours at my desk, in the library, at the school, or with study groups to counter those "networking" hours. :) I mean, if Crick and Watson can enjoy a pint once in a while and still discover how DNA works, why can't I once in a while?

The rain has really started today. It has rained for a few hours the last couple days but always when I have been inside and then it turns sunny again. Today it was nice until about 3pm and then rained and rained (and still is). Time to break out the rain coat!

Long days

2007-09-24T17:21:00.001-04:00

Today we waited 2 hours for the CEO of Saatchi and Saatchi to show up. He was late and stuck in traffic and then showed up to basically make jokes and teach us that: we should scrap the life work balance, CEOs know nothing, and that leadership is better than management. Radical. Advertising people make me tired though - a lot of crap surrounding very little packets of insight.

Then we went to play a "beer game" which involves no real alcohol. Rather dealt with supply chains and how lack of communication and a bad system can really screw everyone up. My team came in second. It was fun.

Everyone is starting to get sick. I am trying to sleep as much as possible so I can avoid this. We'll see.

It rained this morning but was lovely in the afternoon. I'm telling you, Cambridge is the sunniest place in the UK!

Blue Skies

2007-09-23T17:40:00.000-04:00

I have to say I have been a bit shocked by the weather. It has only rained once and I have seen the blue sky for long periods of a time every day since I've been here. I'm sure I'll be eating my words in a few weeks but it has been a really pleasant surprise that there has been enjoyable weather for the first few weeks.

I keep going on and on about this city, but it is really beautiful and fun to explore and be in. Aside from the city, I am really enjoying being back in school again. I feel really privileged to be here. The other students are great and not at all what I would have expected from business school students (which about 50 percent are not typical because they don't have a background in business, but rather come from other specialties such as engineering, medicine, law, science and even entertainment - a former MTV China host is one of our classmates).

I also forgot how exciting it is to be a student - you suddenly see that your life is full of all this potential. Once you are working, it always seems like opportunities are so limited or not even existent, but now, there are so many potential paths. It is also refreshing to know that at least 50 percent of my classmates don't really know what they want to do after they graduate. And I thought I was going to be the only one!

But the other day we had a lecture series to attend in which the president of an experiential marketing consulting firm told us about her experience putting together the opening ceremonies of the 2004 Athens Olympics. After listening to her speak and watching a very inspiring video, I think I at least have one company I am interested in doing my internship with. Or at least a new area in which to potentially explore for job opportunities.

Another lecture last week was focusing on team building and what makes a good team. The lecturer, our upcoming strategy professor, had worked with the Cambridge rowing team for the past few years (both as a team building consultant and to do research on their work as a team which he has just completed a book on) and talked to us about the challenges the team faces, and how good teams operate. I think his talk also perked my interest in rowing - which I am in the process of checking out. Hey, if you're in Cambridge and you have the opportunity to join a college rowing team, why the hell not!?

Anyway, so there are some interesting things going on. Already just having been here for a week, I'm amazed at all that has happened. A lot in one week, yet that week flew by. I'm a bit shocked and have a feeling this year is going to be over before I know it. I find that idea both exciting and upsetting. More than anything, I have come to realize there are a lot of great people here and they will be the ones that make my experience a memorable one.

To the left, to the left....

2007-09-20T15:08:00.001-04:00

This is my bike - it's called "the Falcon". Looks cool from far away but is rather ghetto. But at least no one will steal it. Behind "the Falcon" is where I live. Just kidding. It is actually King's College.

I have been riding my bike everywhere and while it has taken a slight bit of getting used to, I must say I am liking it quite a bit. I am used to walking or public transporting myself and having a bike gives one a certain amount of freedom! Plus riding to school in the crisp mornings is a nice way to wake myself up.

The one thing that is tough is the fact that those crazy Brits drive on the wrong side of the road. And they have roundabouts. And as a bicycle rider, you are expected to follow their rules. Imagine. So far so good. And watching the other experienced riders helps me to know what to do.

The only problem that I have had so far with my bike was the other morning, riding through a lovely meadow on a bike path and my chain jammed and made a huge noise just as I was coming up alongside the stream. There was a flock of about 20 geese (actual white and grey geese - no canadian geese I am afraid) sleeping with their heads tucked into their feathers when I woke them all up with my bicycle commotion. So they all started squawking so loudly that I jumped and nearly fell off my bike into the stream. But I didn't. Close call.

Jolly Good

2007-09-18T17:54:00.000-04:00

Ok, so I have been a delinquent lately and not posted for a while but I have an excuse - I've been seriously busy. And here I am now... all moved into my residence in Cambridge, England. To re-cap the last month - my job finished late August, I packed and moved my things to storage at Uncle Roman's :), I said goodbye to all my friends and family and boyfriend and hopped on a plane with Michele.

We arrived in London and spent some time catching up with my old friend Davey. We stayed in a terrible hostel (yes, i believe I am now at the age where I am officially too old to stay at a "youth hostel" regardless of how much money it will save me), we ate expensive food, and strolled around the fun and dynamic city of London (which always smells a bit musty to me).

From there we hopped on a plane to Malta and spend 4 days in the sun, walking on cobblestone, eating gelato every day (I sampled 10 flavours - watermelon, lemon, coffee, amaretto, strawberry, mixed berry, orange, cherry, coconut and pistachio), swimming in the salty sea, getting bounced around taking boat trips, experiencing Maltese night life, trying to avoid staring directly at old men in speedos and having a lovely time. We also took a day trip to Sicily (Mt Etna and Taormina) although it was more "bus trip-y" than I would normally like, travelling with Michele made it bearable. The high lites were the gnocchi, red wine and gelato. The low lites was the non-air conditioned bus (although they said it was), Mt Etna being completely fogged in, and our crazy tour guide who insisted on playing "Amazing Grace" several times over the loud speakers of the bus! Amazing indeed.

Then we flew back to chilly England (which was surprisingly sunny - although brisk) and went our separate ways. I hopped on a train to Cambridge (with my 44kilos of luggage in tow) and took a taxi to my new digs - in residence. A lovely porter (old man who is in charge of letting people in and out of my college (they are all gated and you need to sign in if you wish to visit or come in) gave me my key and I settled in my room which is bigger than I thought it would be.

My bathroom is also bigger than I though but the toilet leaks. So that's gross. Hopefully they get around to fixing it sooner than later. I have a bell tower outside my window - luckily it starts ringing only at 8am and stops at 10pm. It will act as a secondary alarm clock for me (as all my classes begin at 9). I bought a bike (another post and photos to follow) and met some of my classmates. This city is beautiful. Breathtaking. Amazing. I love it. I really do. The air is so crisp. The buildings are gorgeous, old, and fascinating. this is truly the nicest city I've ever visited. There is a cow pasture with bike paths running through it that I can pass on my way to school. You can see the stars here. It's just really nice.

There is so much to write about but it is hard to put it all down. School is fine so far. The people all seem really great (very interesting and diverse group - all very intelligent and nice). There are 149 of us in the class representing 48 countries! About 33% are women. The business building is amazing and we get 500 free pages of photocopies and 4000 pages of prints. Why this excites me, I'm not sure. The work load isnt' heavy yet but looking at our upcoming schedule things will get crazy very quickly.

I have taken a few photos and will post them soon. It's going to be a wild ride - I can tell.

Things are happening....

2007-07-11T23:43:00.001-04:00

- I got my new laptop! it is so small and cute and light! only 4 pounds and a tiny 12 inch screen - but that's what I wanted - portability is KEY
- new laptop has built-in web cam. I've never used one so it has already provided hours of entertainment, watching myself do funny things.
- I gave my notice at work... gave them about 6 weeks. they took it well except for the fact that my co-worker is ALSO leaving to do his MBA next year (different school) and so they will have to hire a whole new team for our jobs. Oops.
- went to a concert yesterday (Cat Power). She was wonderful - love her voice and sad songs but the audience was filled with silly 19 year old monkeys who were talking (loudly) throughout the whole concert. That, coupled with bad acoustics and my back hurting from standing all night made the concert not very much fun. I think I am getting too old to attend concerts in certain venues. Particularly concerts where there are a lot of 19year olds. You can start calling me "grumpy granny" now.
- went for a fabulous camping trip this past weekend in Algonquin Provincial Park for 3 days with Paul. It rained A LOT. But it was fun regardless. It is such a nice change to escape to nature for a few days. The only sounds we could hear were the loons.
- wow, i went to see Transformers the other week and it was far more fun than I would have ever imagined it would be. Not amazing - but it didn't take itself too seriously, which made me like it more. But that wasn't even the real treat. If you want to go see a great, funny, highly entertaining summer flick - you MUST go see Live Free or Die Hard! It is almost as good as the first one. If you like the first one - you will like this one. The guy from the Apple commercials is like John McClane's sidekick and he is hilarious and fun as well. The only problem I had with it was the scene with the jet. You'll know what I mean when you see it.

Rationalization

2007-06-26T22:59:00.000-04:00

It is something like 30 degrees Celsius here, with humidity the temp is closer to 38 (according to weather network). Hot. Sticky. Yet, Tuesday night ultimate Frisbee nights, tonight being the playoffs, we are still out there, ready to go. Somehow trying to make things seem better by saying "wow, it's much cooler than last week" or, "hey, there's even a little bit of a breeze". Despite the fact that we are already drenched in our own sweat before we even begin playing. Somehow you really don't notice that much. Once you are drenched, you are drenched! It certainly isn't something to talk to your teammates about.

I love the team sports though. How much fun is it to be able to yell and cheer and not feel like an idiot? You instantly have a smile on your face. High-fives are a great self-esteem builder. I honestly love it. Even though I'm not great, it is just so addictive. Plus we have a great team, so that helps too. Nice that at least 4 or 5 of us go for drinks after the game each week - tonight it was the whole team. So fun.

I'm MELTing!

2007-06-26T15:11:00.001-04:00

Yeh, so the hot is here again. But my house is actually not bad (considering we have no air conditioning and I live on the top floor of an old house). I have been trying all the flavours of a local sorbet company. About a pint a week. This week is strawberry. Last was mango and the week before lemon. very very good stuff.

Yesterday I had the best streetcar driver. Leaving the east end at about 11pm, i was running towards the stop (in my flipflops) when I gave up, realizing the streetcar was too fast and I was too slow. So the streetcar stopped for me! and the guy let me in. So nice. He was one of those uber friendly types who was having a conversation with about 5 of the people sitting around the front of the car and I joined in. Nice public transit experiences are always a treat.

Feeling stressed about how quickly time is going and how soon I'll be on the road again. It's everything... the stress about all i have to do to prepare, plus all the things I will be facing upon my arrival. When I think rationally, I know that everything will be fine. But the problem is that I often am unable to think rationally. I start to panic... thinking of all the major life decisions I have in front of me. Thinking... aghh! Will I ever be able to relax!?

Someone asked me to be a mentor for an internationally trained professionals mentorship
program. Darn, I really would like to do that... but I had to explain that I am leaving. I think I will give my notice in a couple weeks. Really, my last day of work will probably be August 10th. That is so soon. (enter knots in stomach) Is it weird that I am more stressed than excited?

I don't wanna be a witness!

2007-06-12T23:21:00.000-04:00

(Cindy Lauper song reference, by the way)

So you know when you take those tests to see how observant you are... and you have to view a scene and then it goes away and you are asked like 20 questions about the scene? Well, I always do very very poorly at those things. I remember stupid details but over and above forget half of what is going on in the photo. I am not a detail-oriented person.

So we won our ultimate Frisbee game and were in 2 cars on our way to a restaurant for beers & snacks. Boys in one car and three of us girls in another. Driving through a moderately sketchy area and suddenly we notice this guy running down the sidewalk with a car chasing him down - on the sidewalk too! The guy frantically cuts across the 6 lanes of traffic (nearly getting hit by a truck) and keeps running with a very frightened look on his face. I think he was heading towards the nearby Red Lobster. Maybe he was craving some surf & turf? No, then there was this other guy who hopped out of that car and starts chasing him on foot, with one of his hands stuffed under his black hoodie. Hmmm. Strange that he would do that... no? We are in the car watching this all go down and K is the smart one and decides to call the police, just to alert them to the situation. Shortly after she reaches for her phone we hear a "POP" noise. So she talks to the police and answers some questions (apparently they are already aware of the situation and have some po-lice on the move to save the day) and K keeps asking us (driver & me) questions and we are terrible at answering. Terrible. And did we think to jot down a license plate #? NO. Ugh. Did we think to look and see what type of car it was? NO. Did we SEE a gun? NO.

So they direct us to some nearby coppers who take our statements and we are off on our merry way. The boys also saw most of the same thing (and even knew what type of car the dudes were driving - I guess that is one thing guys are really good at) but they went straight for the nachos and beer. I myself wouldn't have thought to call right away. Bad, I know. Good old K too more of a proactive role in preventing crime in our community. Good on ya K! I think I am just afraid to call 911 because it got drilled into my head as a kid that you get in a lot of trouble if you call 911 and there is no real emergency. So it would take some sort of crazy ass emergency to make me automatically think to call. I guess that nearly witnessing a hit is not a crazy ass emergency in my head? I'm not sure. Anyway, the only thing I could think of when giving my statement was that I wanted to warn the cops that I am terrible at such things. That I see red cars when they are really blue and what not. I hope they catch the dude. And I hope they don't call me to do one of those line-up things. Although that would be kind of cool I am just afraid I would pick the wrong dude.

Ok... things that fascinated me today:

I used to shake my eyeballs all the time as a kid to freak people out. It was my party trick until my vision started to get worse. I can still do it but it hurts too much. Link here.

Have you heard about the 5th type of taste bud... UMAMI? Mmmmm Savoury! Sounds good to me! Link.

This is just stupid. Guy suing dry cleaners for losing his pants. But he is suing them $52 million dollars! People like that should be thrown in jail for being such assholes. That just makes me sick. That guy has got to have the worst karma in the universe. Link.

Can't Get You Out of My Head

2007-06-11T23:47:00.001-04:00

Bombing in Nairobi, Kenya. Got some images from the scene taken on someone's camera phone. A familiar place. The pictures were terrible... someone lying there with his clothes blown off and his skin burnt looking. People just standing around watching and some trying to carry him to a car. People taking photos with their cell phones. Then, in searching for more information on the incident, finding out about a recent slew of matatu driver beheadings. Funny, this is the first I've heard about it.

When I was in Africa, and reading the local papers, they would report these type of things. And similar types of things that were happening all over Africa. Not just western news (although there was a lot of that too). There were even stories about Asia. Stuff that I knew the western press didn't cover.

I understand why they don't publish the stories. Because these things happen in a world that people can't comprehend. And people don't want to read these stories because they are depressing. People are willing to read depressing stories if they have to do with something they understand, or because they are happening near by. But there has been a line drawn, between the west and the rest and it is like there are two classes of human beings. It is a lot easier to block out terrible things happening to Africans and Asians and even South Americans, than it is to block out bad things happening to Europeans and North Americans. Because we can relate to the western people. But it is hard to comprehend the non-west others and their lives. So we choose not to.

But I think the press should print these stories because it is important for people to know what is happening. Yes, it will make people uncomfortable and upset but I really think that they should be.

I've been reading celebrity gossip non-stop for the past few months. Just lightly browsing the international sections. Concentrating mostly on local news. My own backyard. Now I feel guilty. I don't know why I feel the duty to know what is going on. Even though reading this stuff and knowing upsets me so much. It's just important to me. I just wish more people were aware.

Have I Given Up?

2007-06-10T22:00:00.001-04:00

No. I haven't given up on the blog. But very nearly. I am just trying to continue, slowly, bit by bit, until I head to school where I will be able to see the need to blog again. Right now there is so much going on, but I feel weird blogging about it. Once I start the whole school thing it will turn into a "keeping in touch with people and sharing my experience" thing than this is.

Sorry.

Waitressing has actually been fun. I dread it when Saturday night comes around, and Sunday morning am in a terrible mood waking up early and walking over to the restaurant. But once I'm serving and talking to people, it is kind of fun. Exhausting, but nice to have that interaction with people and physical workout. It feels more like you are working when you are physically exhausted at the end of the day, rather than just mentally and emotionally, as it has been with other jobs I have. :)

I saw a great old cabaret show the other night. It was very cool. Ran into a girl I knew from the theatre I used to do in my hometown. She was one of the servers in the "tavern". I felt bad because I introduced her to Paul as "Sarah" and called her that later in the night to get her attention and she pulled me aside and said, "I'm not sure if you know this, but I changed my name a few years ago. It's Fava now." I felt a little bad, despite giggling internally. I did know that. She seemed genuinely upset. I remember that she changed her name to Fava (after the bean) because she felt she had experienced a significant growth. Hmm. Ok. I guess I can respect that. But Fava? Not my favourite bean. Garbanzo, now THAT would be a great name.

Things I started to write about and then stopped...

2007-05-25T15:24:00.000-04:00

1) bird pooped on me a few days ago... is that considered good luck?

2) cat we care for pooped on our stairs a few days ago too. a cry for help?

3) ultimate frisbee = lots of running = good for body BUT ultimate frisbee also = going for beer after = bad for body. hmmm. i'm hoping it all evens out in the end.

4) golf tournament i attended because my company sponsored it. very very fun to play with golf carts all day. i also like the golfing. nice way to spend a day. i could definitely take up golfing one day...

5) i am going to a 'semi-formal' event on Friday and have been trying to figure out what to wear. i tried on a dress i bought last fall when I was about 5 or 10 pounds heavier. at that time it made me feel skinny, now i try it on and it seems to emphasize all the wrong things (read: hips). what the hell!?!?!

6) allergies are exhausting me lately. not letting me sleep well and I have been walking around in a daze. the anti-histamine that I usually take every allergy season seems to not be working this time around. Arhhgh!

7) I had goat today! met up with an Africa friend and went to great little Somali restaurant. all for $8 included goat, chapatis (YUM!), potatoes, a pitcher of watermelon koolaide, and a really delicious soup - spicy broth. So fun. Very fatty. I forgot how fatty goat is. But so delicious.

8) Where does the time go? It is June soon. Scaring me. I am really hoping it is the case that school stressing me out is just me preparing myself for the worst and that it will be better than I think... and that the reality isn't as bad or worse than I think!

9) I really need to start posting more... I am just never home!! Yet I don't want to just write about my day to day activities. Arhhghh.

10) Listening to the Smiths makes me so relaxed.

Meme rhymes with dream

2007-05-16T23:12:00.000-04:00

I've been tagged ! Read more about memes here .

Here are the rules:

1. List 7 random facts about yourself on your blog
2. Tag 7 more blogs , making sure to let them know.

Fact 1: When I was little I used to be afraid to go to sleep before my parents came home so I would keep the hall light on and listen to the radio (usually this station that would broadcast comedy shows) until they came home. And THEN I would fall asleep.

Fact 2: When I had my wisdom teeth taken out when I was 22 I remembered some guys from high school saying that you should tell the dentist that you can't feel the laughing gas so he will give you more. Well, I did that but eventually I started hallucinating and passed out from overdosing on laughing gas. After that they just put me on straight oxygen. The dentist's head came out of his mouth! It was CRAZY!

Fact 3: Favourite ice cream flavour - strawberry - but Oreo or chili chocolate are up there too.

Fact 4: I have always wanted a nickname but never had one. My friends mostly call me Kathryn and some call me Kat (as my family does). But in university I met a guy who nicknamed himself "Skippy" and I realized that it was a bit pathetic to force a nickname upon yourself so I'm stuck with Kat or Kathryn.

Fact 5: Some kids at school told me that if you go into a dark room and look into a mirror and say "bloody Mary" three times then Mary would appear to you. That would terrify me (most religious-related urban legends do) and to this day I still get creeped out when I am in a dark room with a mirror - I will avoid looking into it.

Fact 6: I think my two favourite words to say are banana and monkey. I'm not sure why, but I say them all the time. It has been like this for a couple of years. It's bananas.

Fact 7: I find looking out the window at night and watching the cars go by to be very soothing. Something about their headlights flashing by (particularly when it is rainy out) helps calm me down when I am upset or can't sleep.

I don't really know many bloggers. I will tag the Chateau Nice kids (Marzipan, Pat the Pun-gent, & Loretta the Champion! ) and if I can think of anyone else I will add them later! I got tagged from Lesterhead so check out here stuff!

Selective Rain

2007-05-16T23:02:00.000-04:00

Yesterday it was so humid all day. After work I head downtown to grab some dinner before doing an evening presentation and the craziest thing happened. You could tell that it was going to rain. You could smell it in the air. I was walking down the street and could feel little spits of rain start to randomly hit me and the ground around me. As I was crossing one street I looked south down one block and saw complete chaos. It was a complete downpour with people running for cover, screeching and ducking into doorways. It made me stop and laugh out loud because it was only about 20 feet away from me but there was no rain on me. In fact, you could see a line on the road where the rain stopped. I wasn't the only one who noticed and a few of us just stood there, dumbfounded at the sight. It was actually a few minutes before the rain caught up to us too -but I've never seen anything quite like that before.

Gosh I've been so busy. My brain is going 2000 miles/minute. It is not just one thing, it is everything. I'm trying to adjust to having this second job plus my original job is keeping me on my toes (and on the road) a few days a week as well. I think I am also just stressed because I am going to visit my parents for the long weekend and I'm trying to prepare for it and feel rushed. I'm just tired. Usually I really like being busy. It keeps me happy. It really does. But then when there is just one little snag it throws the whole machine out of whack and suddenly I'm a mess. It will pass.

You know what I like? Ice cream. I think June should be all about ice cream consumption. I'm going to have to write that in my day planner.

Things that make you go ughhh.....

2007-05-10T23:46:00.000-04:00

I came home from a night of beer and pub trivia only to find my roommate trying to figure out how to get rid of some cat vomit on the downstairs hall mat. I automatically volunteered to help her, not realizing exactly what the vomit was made up of. It was regurgitated mouse. Chunks of it. In vomit. Ughh. So disgusting. We dragged the mat outside and tried to find the hose. Once we hooked it up she hid in the garage while I tried to hose it off, but there was no water pressure so the hose barely let out any water so I had to get really close to the mat and saw up close and personal what the cat has puked up. So, as I do, I started gagging. I tend to gag mostly at garbage. Rotting garbage. It make my roommates laugh hysterically. Usually I am OK with vomit. My brother vomited regularly as a child, as have friends who I have had to take care of or share rooms with. But vomit with chunks of mouse is a different story. Not exactly what I had in mind to wrap up the evening. Ugh. Gross.

Tuesday I played my first game of frisbee and my abs still kill. I love it! I didn't realize i was even using those muscles. I doubt that with all the socializing I do that I will ever develop a 6-pack, but it feels nice not to have to do sit ups or the plank to get an ab workout.

Ugh. I really can't get the image of that puke out of my head. That darn cat.

Twitchy

2007-05-02T22:11:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I get so tired that I can't function anymore. Wow, what a revelation, huh! I'm so unique. No, but what I'm trying to say is that last night I went to see this preview of a documentary my friend is working on about Barrick Gold and the unbelievable human rights and environmental abuses behind its successes. Drilling glaciers and cyanide in drinking water, police brutality and government corruption. Anyway, we went to the later showing (introduced by the fabulous NO LOGO author Naomi Klein) and his film was followed by a similarly themed full-length doc regarding the situation of Barrick in Australia. The second doc was good but LONG and I got really really tired. Twitchy legs tired? You ever get that? When you are so tired you just want to lie down so your whole body gets fidgety and twitchy? Strange and VERY irritating phenomenon, particularly when you are in a place where you can't really get up and leave without seeming rather rude. By the time it was all over I was so exhausted I wanted to RUN out the door so that I could get home and into my bed as quickly as was humanly possible. I could hardly even talk. Luckily I was with people who were understanding enough to know that I get like that sometimes. :) I actually did run at one point. Exhausted yet I knew that by running I could be sleeping sooner so I decided to expend the energy for the greater cause. I can just imagine what I must have looked like. Times like that I just wish I was a little kid whose mom could just pick up and put me into the back of the car so that I could just drift off with no worries about getting home, missing streetcars, packing lunches all before being able to sleep. Sometimes being an adult is hard for the stupidest reasons.

I think I inadvertently insulted one of my roommates. I came home and she was making and eating soup. I went upstairs for about an hour. Downstairs again to boil some water and saw her at the stove cooking an omelette. "Didn't you already eat?" I blurted out. I thought it was funny. She looked hurt and said "That was mean! It's not like I'm fat or anything!". Oops. I apologized but I think it was too late. I really didn't think she would be insulted. #1 she is tall and super super skinny - my friend K thinks she is a dead ringer for Mila Jovovich (very true). So I didn't think she would get insulted about something like that. #2 she is German and usually seems not to take insult in anything people say. In fact, I have found her to be fairly insensitive at times herself. #3 I really didn't think before I spoke or mean anything by it. I guess that is my mistake. See what happens when you are overtired? Bad things all around. Sleep is the only solution.

I really like the new Feist album. FUN.

All Signs Point to YES

2007-04-25T21:10:00.000-04:00

Ok, yesterday I was wearing these great brown heels that I love and I noticed that they made this funny squeaking noise when I walked. It was a bit strange but sometimes shoes make noise right? Then today I was wearing flats and I heard the same squeaking noise. I walked, it squeaked. I stopped, it stopped. Very strange. Maybe it is my feet that squeak? Or is this just a strange coincidence?

Our office has this “Respect & Recognition” human resources push going on. Which we need because it seems to me like there is not a lot of team spirit in the office. But maybe it's just me. Anyway, we are being asked to thank people in the office who have done things that show respect. I guess they are trying to boost employee morale. Regardless, for some reason we were all given these mini magic 8-balls (with our logo on it). I have become addicted to asking it’s advice constantly throughout the day. It is quite often accurate. Although when I asked if my boss is really a woman I was told “Can’t Foretell Now” – hmmm, maybe he will get a gender re-assignment. Apparently the Red Wings are going to win the Stanley Cup this year. And it ISN’T going to rain tomorrow. Hours of entertainment.

After the Wedding

2007-04-23T22:45:00.000-04:00

I went to see this Danish film, After the Wedding. It was a bit over the top at times but the acting was great and it was interesting to try and test my Danish skills. I understood a lot of what they were saying, but not everything. Not even close, actually. I'll have to work on that.

Talking about weddings with people lately, it seems like no one ever really has fun planning them. It is stressful for almost everyone involved, no? The bride, the bridesmaids, the family of the bride & groom, the groom. The only real fun part is the actual ceremony when the speeches and dancing and drinking happen. But I guess that is the only part that people really remember anyway. I mean, I have had fun with the weddings I was involved with. But there was still so much stress.

We were sitting in a restaurant having tea after and I saw a mouse run along the side of the wall to go behind a curtain that lead to another room. A few moments later I saw a movement in the curtains and I must have jumped about a foot in the air as I saw a man come out from back there.

On the streetcar home I found a piece of folded up paper on my seat. A NOTE! I started to open it up but then stopped myself, thinking that it might be something I should open once I am home. I put it in my pocket and started to try and imagine what it must say. I love found objects. The city is full of interesting ones with great stories behind them. Once I was in the safety of my bedroom, I unfolded the note. This is what it read (in child's writing):

NBA PLAYOFFS
(Round 1 - Eastern Conference)
Detroit Pistons VS Orlando Magics (1 - 0) (0,1)
Cleveland Cavaliers VS Washington Wizards (1 - 0) (0,1)
Toronto Raptors VS New Jersey Nets (0-1) (1, 0)
Miami Heat VS Chicago Bulls (0,1) (1,0)

Hmmm. Not exactly the story I was imagining. :)

My face is still red from being out in the sun all day yesterday. There is a reason that FUN rhymes with SUN. Don't mind me... I think I got sun stroke... my brain is mushy and I find really stupid things funny.

OK, one more thing... who leaves an opened jar of mayonnaise on the counter, leaving the remaining contents to yellow? MY ROOMMATE, that's who! I mean, the girl is great, but you can tell the one-year anniversary since I've moved in has passed and suddenly her little quirks are getting annoying. I mean, that's just GROSS!

AVIVA and OTTO

2007-04-18T23:36:00.000-04:00

We watched Todd Solondz' Palindromes tonight. I had wanted to see it since the previews came out on apple.com/trailers like 3 years ago. I did a monologue for a theatre class I took in university from his film Happiness. His films are so sick and twisted but the characters are so seemingly innocent and hopeful. I like the way he sees the world. The film is about a young girl from middle America who wants to have a baby "so that she will always have someone to love". She succeeds in getting pregnant and the story just kind of goes from there. Lots of semi-disturbing things happen along the way. It was refreshing. I liked it.

I was a bit distracted when the movie started because I was thinking about this cat, Luna. It is my landlady's crazy, strange cat that drools when you pet it. But today we found out that my landlady, who we had thought had been at her daughter's house since Easter weekend, had a stroke and that when they took her into the hospital to be examined they discovered brain tumours. She is thus very very sick and in the hospital. Shocking and sad and depressing. What can we do? Take care of the house, they said. But what about the cat, we asked? Is someone feeding the cat? I went downstairs to check on it, terrified that there would be a cat that was starved to death or something, but Luna was fine. We later found out that someone was re-filling his food, but he was locked in the dark basement so we let him out and I bought some wet food for him (tuna flavoured) and we tried to pet him. I'm just so sad about my landlady. She is so nice. And now she's so sick. And now I think I am taking out my feelings of compassion and longing to be helpful by trying to love the cat to death. I just want to pet the cat and comfort it somehow. The cat seems sad. Maybe it's just me.

I was on my way home tonight and feeling nerdy wearing my new bright green running shoes because there were these girls all dressed up and looking sleek and it made me feel like a bum. So it was my stop, and all these stupid thoughts of insecurity are going through my head and I am the first one off the streetcar and BAM, the doors started to close as I was getting off and whacked me right in the face! HARD! Someone was getting off right after me and totally saw. It actually made me laugh, after I was done being humiliated. Stupid streetcar door!

Bohemian

2007-04-13T00:35:00.000-04:00

Ok, I suck at dodgeball. I am not afraid to admit it. It is fun. But I cannot throw very well and I cannot catch very well and I dodge ok, but that is not enough to win a game. We were in the finals tonight against an undefeated team (the Runs & Throwses) and they kicked our asses. I am looking forward to starting ultimate frisbee again because at least by the end of last season I felt like I was an asset to my team. Dodgeball, I was seriously considering using myself as a sacrifice each game and just blocking the good players. I couldn't even pull that off. :)

Regardless, these sport & social clubs are always fun because you meet some new and interesting people and you have something to talk about when you go out for beers after the game (bitch about the opposing team) even if you don't know anything about each other initially. Tonight, being our last game, we head for beer and wings and watched some hockey (go Sabres!) and eventually drank enough to partake in the karaoke festivities going on at the bar. Good times. THAT smells like team spirit! I relied on an old standby (Bohemian Rhapsody) while others did Bryan Adams and there was an attempt at Journey. Really, in a sports bar where most of the patrons are drunken hockey fans, there are no divas or superstars and people just usually enjoy the entertainment, no matter how terrible it is. So you can't really go wrong. Or so the beer made me believe. Good thing tomorrow is Friday....

Long Time

2007-04-09T23:23:00.000-04:00

It always happens. With each day that I don't write something, it becomes even harder to write something the next day. Soon I can't imagine anything that I could possibly write about. So that's where this post comes in. Kind of necessary for me to get anything else out in the upcoming days.

I could write about the cold weather that just seems to be staying here forever. Or the fact that I just had a FOUR day weekend, but didn't actually do much of anything. Or the fact that my dodgeball team came from behind to won in the semi-finals and will be playing the undefeated first place team for the championship this week. Or how about my hockey team, the Leafs, are out of the playoffs after teasing me enough into almost believing they would make it. They break my heart every time.

But I've had a couple of strange weeks. Work and life were majorly stressing me out. So I was doing weird things. Like buying lottery tickets. I never buy lottery tickets. I was obsessing over the idea of winning the lottery and what I would do if I won. And I was checking my horoscope religiously. Anyway, it was a bit out of character, these things. It all seemed a little desperate. But I think I'm over it. I think I was just looking for a sign or something. Some reassurance. But the other day I kind of shook my head clear and realized that there is no sign. But I don't need one.

Last year in Kenya when I was bored at work I would sit and memorize capital cities of the world. I was up to about 75% memorized by the end of my time there. Some of my favourites:
Ouagadougou, Burkina Faso
Bandar Seri Begawan, Brunei
Antananarivo, Madagascar
Ashgabat, Turkmenistan
Montevideo, Uruguay

Soul Sucking

2007-04-01T15:51:00.000-04:00

I spent today walking around in the rain, handing out resumes. The weather was the perfect compliment to my mood. I am looking for a second job for the summer months, for 2 or 3 shifts a week, for some extra cash. I need the money and I will be a lot less busy at my other job so it makes sense that I do this but it is a seriously depressing task. Particularly because it won't allow me extra "fun" money, but rather all the extra cash will just go towards savings. At least if I could buy a couple pairs of really ridiculous shoes I might feel better about it.

So far the prospects include:
1) a family-run pizzeria with a patio that is ALWAYS busy in the summer. It is right around the corner from my house.
2) a wing place (DUFF'S) that just opened up down the street. I love wings and it looks like fun, young people work there but I would probably run into a lot of people I know and it could be soul-destroying at times.
3) a high end baby clothing store that is hiring someone for Sundays only. Only problem is that I don't really know anyone with babies right now to best use the discount...
4) H&M in a really ghetto mall near by. Crappy retail work but I'm sure I could use the discount for some clothes and would almost never run into anyone I know (other than people I want to see - Kelly/Mariza/Loretta?)

There were a few other places too. It is like high school again. I had NO idea what to wear this morning. What do you wear to apply to part-time jobs? Jeans? Dressy pants? Something in-between? My resume had to have a complete overhaul...

And I'm so cocky going in there, thinking, I have ALL this experience, but how terrible will it be if I get NO calls for interviews.

Don't Let It Bring You Down

2007-03-28T22:58:00.000-04:00

Today I got into a car accident. I was driving from one work event at a college, to another work event at a university. Half way there, I was singing Neil Young at the top of my lungs, enjoying the beautiful sunny weather, when stopped at a stop light someone rammed into the back of my car, causing a big crash and my body to be flung forward then back. The impact was such that the plastic hair clip that was holding my hair back, smashed when my head hit the headrest. But I was ok. The car was not. I am proud to say that I was quite cool and collected in the moments that followed. I put on my four-ways, got out of the car and checked out the damage. The man kept apologizing and saying that he can just give me money. He was an older man, with a strong accent. He looked so stressed. But unfortunately, I told him, my car was a rental, so I had to go through the regular steps. I called the police (they told me they were too busy unless there was an injury or leaking fluids), then I called the rental place, who told me to go to a "Collision Report Centre". Some tow-truck guys happened to be on the scene and told me where I needed to go and what I needed to do. I gave the sad old man my cell phone so that he could call his wife so that she could go to pick up their daughter. He was on his way to pick up his daughter at the university I was also on my way towards. This made me even more sad somehow. We went to the collision report place together and filed our report. It was clearly his fault. I had a cop named "Jimmy" help me out. He was nice.

I left and felt like apologizing, even though it was his fault. I just understand his pain. I made some stupid mistakes driving when I was 16. It just costs so much money, these mistakes. And cause so much stress. And he seemed like a nice old man. But I guess if he hadn't of rear-ended my car, he could have run over a dog or a kid or something, you know? Careless driving is careless driving. So why do I feel so guilty?

Smells Like Mud

2007-03-26T22:26:00.000-04:00

SPRING!

I finally saw Michel Gondry's The Science of Sleep. It was so strange but great. The type of film perfect to watch on a Sunday afternoon because it isn't too deep or depressing and yet isn't a stupid, mindless slapstick comedy. It makes you think a little, and gets the imagination going. And Gael Garcia Bernal can play quirky characters without making them annoying. And the supporting cast was also hilarious. I particularly liked his perverted co-worker.

The theme of dream state & reality and the thin line that separates them was particularly timely given the strange, vivid and sometimes compelling dreams I have been having lately. The film was also a great mental escape from a work disaster that i found out about yesterday that put my mood in the toilet. I checked my emails on Sunday morning to discover that a big project that we had been working on for months had completely failed in a big way. Basically our servers couldn't handle the project and not only did the actual task not work, we had a public relations disaster on our hands in that we had hundreds of angry students and teachers (a key market I focus on) contacting us with venomous emails and phone calls. It felt like all the work that I had done all year to promote goodwill and interest in the company I work for, had instantaneously been reversed. I was obviously upset. But Pho with Paul and the crazy-assed movie made me feel better. And last night I dreamt that everyone in my office was dealing with the emergency situations in their pajamas. I was dressed appropriately though - in my work clothes worn ON TOP of my pajamas. So I went into work in a strangely good mood. And close to 100 apologetic emails and a tentative damage control plan later, I am not too worried about it. Then again, I still have to face a bunch of said students & teachers face to face in the upcoming weeks. Hopefully a lynch mob doesn't form. Not that I could blame them, but really, we all know that hurling stones at an innocent marketing coordinator doesn't solve anything.

My Good Attitude

2007-03-24T00:05:00.000-04:00

I'm getting stressed about work again. The other day it was my review and my boss told me that I am doing well and that I have a great attitude. I nearly laughed, because lately I have been feeling so negative about my job and I was sure that my attitude was apparent. Apparently not.

I'm just getting stressed about things that are often completely out of my control. It's maddening. I have to keep reminding myself that a job is not something to get upset over.

It is probably not the work, it is probably just the fact that I have had to make some major life decisions lately and I'm still struggling through it. I keep asking myself, "what the hell are you doing!?!" When I sit down to think about things, I know that I am making the right decisions, but it is still this nagging flicker in the back of my mind. Particularly when I am tired, or worried about money, or my job, or friends or whatever. Which is now.

The good thing is that this usually happens. Any doubt or argument against what I am doing that anyone else could think of, I will most certainly think of as well. And I will have to convince my most difficult critic, myself, on why I am making the right decision. So by the time I actually have to face reality and my choices, I am full of conviction and can move forward confidently. I'm just not quite there yet.

Spring is here. It is good.

My Own Private Avocado

2007-03-19T22:27:00.000-04:00

Mmm. I love avocados.

This whole Facebook thing is really becoming addictive. I don't even WANT to like it, but I do. It is such a great time waster. I swear, I joined initially to do some research for work. But then someone found me and added me as a friend. From there, it has just grown. People from elementary school, high school, my Denmark year, university, Kenya, Travel CUTS, friends of friends, the list goes on...

How much time do we waste on the internet? How many websites do I read that I really shouldn't bother? Celebrity gossip sites? The same news stories from three different papers?

I want to get a timer attached to my laptop so I can start limiting my internet time. Once I go back to school, maybe I will do that. How much time is enough? An hour a day? 30 minutes? Somehow I really doubt that I would be able to handle that.

How it all ends...

2007-03-17T01:36:00.000-04:00

'What will your obituary say?' at QuizGalaxy.com

I don't think I have ever posted something like this before. But it was just too wonderful to know that after all this time, Charles still has feelings for me.

Quiz Show

2007-03-15T23:16:00.000-04:00

St Patty's Day themed pub quiz. I got a bunch of the Samuel Beckett questions right. But missed a bunch of other ones. Particularly the music "name that tune" section. Although I didrecognize a clip from the song "I don't like Mondays" by The Boomtown Rats (who are apparently Irish) Did you know that in 2004, the country that drank more per capita than Ireland (for the first time in recorded history) was the Czech Republic? The first Irish James Bond? - Pierce Brosnan. What does the shamrock (the three leafed clover) traditionally represent to the Irish? - the HOLY TRINITY! Kathy Ireland? - NOT IRISH! That wasn't a question... we actually had to identify a photo of her.

I loves me some pub quiz.

My job is exhausting me lately. I'm mentally drained. It is not so much the work anymore, just that I am getting discouraged about a bunch of things. Although all the hours of overtime and travel and lugging things all over the city and province certainly doesn't do much for the spirit either. The 8 month marathon is nearly over. Like 2 weeks to go.

Can you believe that Kathy Ireland is not Irish?

Up North

2007-03-08T13:18:00.000-05:00

Went to Sault Ste Marie & surrounding area to do some presentations, etc, etc. I got a cold and it sapped me of all energy and desire to write. Not only that, but nothing really happened. I went to a nice cottage where we jumped in the snow then the hot tub. Foos ball and saunas were also involved. I also managed to secure a big honking student line of credit. And I went cross country skiing.

So I guess a few things happened.

Does anything really ever happen in March anyway? Other than half of my friends having birthdays? You sit and you wait for the snow to melt. There are more kids around than usual because of March break. You get more soakers than you normally do. The days start to get longer. You are just SO sick and tired of winter and cannot WAIT for the first patio day. When you go to buy a sweater but stores are already selling tank tops.

Wow, I wrote this while waiting for people to show up for a presentation and then they never did. So I guess it is time for me give up, leave, and go to eat my lunch. It is depressing when no one shows up. I feel so rejected. Ok, not really. But what a waste of time! Is it the teachers not telling their classes about it, or the students not wanting to make the effort to show up? This is only the second time this has happened all year but it is still frustrating.

Snowed in

2007-03-01T17:15:00.000-05:00

Work even closed 2 hours early. Unfortunately for me, I had too much work to do to leave early. By the time I left, the roads were filled with cars, barely inching along. I took the subway as far as I could (lugging a rolley suitcase filled with work brochures for an event tomorrow) before having to walk for 30 minutes from Bloor to my house because there were no buses or cabs in sight. I hate rolley suitcases in the snow. Soaked and freezing by the time I got home, all I want now is tea and my feather duvet.

I like the snow though. And I like being that Northern Ontario girl who rolls her eyes at the fuss people in Toronto make over the snow. "This is NOTHING!" I yell at them. Although a minor snow storm wrecks far more havoc in a big city than it does in Sault Ste Marie. And when I was trudging through the snow with that damned brochure-filled suitcase dragging behind me, sunk in the snow, I cursed the weather too.

The countdown begins: 30 days until Spring!

Stef's Birthday

2007-02-26T23:10:00.000-05:00

Why do birthdays make people in bad moods? I have been OK with my big day the past few years but this year again I was all down about everything. I hate that. But as soon as I was able to forget about the fact that it was my birthday, I was fine again. Mysterious indeed.

But it was a good weekend. Party with friends on Friday. Nice walk around the sunny city all day Saturday. Dancing with friends on Saturday. Brunch (consumed WAY too much pancakes, tater tots, eggs, bacon and jello), movie, then Oscars (with 2 cakes made for me!) on Sunday.

One person that made me mad was Stef. See, I share my birthday with an old classmate of mine, Jermaine. This year he turned 30. So on Saturday night a bunch of us went for dancing to a local bar which was supposed to have decent music. Mariza & I got there early and were surprised to find posters mentioning "Stef's birthday party" and we saw that My Little Pony graphics were in use in and around the club. Our entrance cover went towards some sort of horse rescue fund rather than to the greedy club owners. And there was a band playing that were FAR from what the website said was supposed to be playing. There was an accordion! (Don't get me wrong - I love the accordion, but i knew that Jermaine would not be pleased with the accordion-weilding band). Plus this "Stef" person kept appearing on stage to give an over-the-top screech and faking embarrassment whenever the band wished her a happy birthday. The band kept mentioning references to Stef before each of their songs. How Stef used to like the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. How Stef likes horses. How great Stef is.

Ok, I'll admit. I was a bit jealous that someone else was getting all the attention when it was my, I mean, Jermaine's birthday. Did Stef really have to hog the spotlight so much? Especially once her band friends left and the advertised DJ came and did the 'normal' music? Did she still have to keep jumping on stage and doing weird little dance performances? I'm only thinking of how Jermaine felt about all this, you understand. But we didn't fight with her. We are far too old and brittle for that kind of thing. Plus that accordion player looked tough.

Pisces babies are taking over the world. I have about 5 friends' birthdays coming up in the next couple of weeks. Happy fun times to carry me over into spring and the thaw. Soooooo looking forward to the thaw.

This hurts my head

2007-02-21T22:55:00.000-05:00

Gambian president's cure for AIDS: green paste and bananas

An article from "The Daily Mail". Included in the article:

"Whatever you do there are bound to be sceptics, but I can tell you my method is foolproof," said Mr Jammeh, 41. "I can cure Aids and I will."
The former army colonel, who seized power in a 1994 coup, has said the treatment uses seven plants – "three of which are not from Gambia".
A green paste is applied to a patient’s chest. A grey liquid is then splashed on, and finally the patient is given a bitter yellow brew to drink, followed by two bananas.
Health workers are reluctant to make a direct criticism for fear of damaging relations with the government.

The worst part is reading the reader comments:

Cool. Now that there's a cure, I don't want to hear anybody whining anymore about how drug companies should be providing cheap AIDS drugs to African countries. Also, since a cheap cure is now readily available, I don't want to hear anybody whining about the "alarming" AIDS rates in Africa (or anywhere else for that matter).
-David

I have to go to bed. It is really too much sometimes.

Hearing things

2007-02-21T22:04:00.000-05:00

Since my iPod died I have noticed that random songs have started popping in my head again. Songs that I don't have on my iPod. Like the Macarena. And like NSYNC songs. It is strange. But now instead of my iPod being on random, my brain is on random. And random it is.

OK, I realized I never updated about what the final result was from my interview etc etc. So, on Monday I get this email from them and it is just a response to my last email so the title is the same, and with Gmail, you can read the first few lines of the letter and all I can see is "Dear Kathryn Thank you for attending the interview with" and that's it. So I am panicking and not wanting to open it. Thinking that they would have opened with "Congratulations" if I would have got in. But at the same time, I knew there was a possibility that it might be an acceptance. But I didn't want to know either way. So I waited 5 minutes. With knots in my stomach. But still not wanting to face it, regardless of what it said.

Finally, I clicked on it and it said "I am now writing to let you know the decision of the Admissions Committee, and I am delighted to say that we will be offering you a place on the MBA programme."

I got in. And i was nervous and tense and scared but happy. Very shocked. Very, very shocked. I think during the whole, huge process... starting way back in April when I started studying for my GMAT, I never really truly thought I would get in. But it was my goal all along. From day one. And so all my hard work payed off. So next year, I will go to Cambridge. Scary but good. It is going to be so hard. But the harder it is, the more I'll get out of it. Right?!

Poor planning

2007-02-19T09:10:00.000-05:00

Last night I made Mulligatawny soup with Mariza. It was delicious. While preparing it, as I was about the chop up the green chilies Mariza asked me if I wanted to wear gloves. "No, I won't be touching my eyes any time soon! I'll be careful!"

Everything was going so well until before bed when I remembered that I was wearing contacts. Ohhh, the burning...

This morning I completely forgot and did it again. By the time the first contact was in, I couldn't exactly not put in the second one.

Stupid stupid stupid.

February

2007-02-18T22:36:00.000-05:00

There are several problems that I have with the month of February. I really hate how short February is. First of all, it means that rent is due a lot sooner than it normally is. And it just seems to go by really quickly. And since my birthday is at the end of February (25th) then it seems to get here really fast. Which stresses me out. Plus the cold of February sucks. The other day I was waiting for the streetcar for 45 minutes in the cold and it completely sucked all the life out of me. I was devastated and nearly in tears (out of both frustration at the stupid car that was blocking the streetcar from approaching and of sheer misery at the cold).

I keep telling people that I am turning 30. That is a lie. I will be but a youthful 29. But it keeps slipping out. It seems like the same thing anyway. It grosses me out really. The thought of it, combined with the cold, just makes me want to bury my head under my covers until it is all over and it is sunny and I can forget my age and just concentrate on the important things - ice cream and summer skirts.

VD and other updates

2007-02-14T23:30:00.000-05:00

I have been rotten at updating. Several excuses, but I'll spare you. Here is what has been happening:

1) Interview went well. I won't know until next week though. And if I dont' get in, I think I will know why. It won't be because I forgot how to speak, or blanked out, or soiled my pants during the interview. Because I didn't do any of those things. The professor who interviewed me seemed to genuinely like me and we had a good rapport. His only concern was that I am an "atypical candidate", which he said is my strength as much as my weakness because other students may see no value in having me as a classmate, but the Cambridge MBA class prides itself on a diverse group, not just your typical bankers and business consultant people. So we'll see. But I'm not holding my breath. they only accept 105 people. We'll see.

2) I love New York. I had a great time seeing the Rangers (best stadium and damn, the Rangers fans sure have spirit). Weather was amazing (NYC has only offered me amazing sunny gorgeous weather every time I have been there so I only associate it with sunny skies). Food was good, shopping was good (I didn't buy anything except one summer shirt at Anthropologie), and people were highly entertaining.

3) I hate Delta Airlines. They suck my ass. 2 hours late on the way there, 1.5 hours late on the way back (and they ALMOST forgot our luggage at JFK). We were sitting in the plane and the pilot made an announcement that the plane wasn't balanced properly and that they had to load some sandbags into the back of the plane because it was too light. Well, I was sitting near the back by the window and saw them when they opened up the back of the plane and realized the reason it was so light was because there was no luggage! IDIOTS. People who complain about Air Canada should really count their lucky stars - it is like HEAVEN compared to Delta. Or so I think. By the time I got home on Sunday night it was 1am. I had to catch another plane the next morning at 8 (so had to wake up at 5:30am). Needless to say, I was not a happy camper on Monday.

4) Christina came to visit me on Monday night (after my quick trip to holy shite it's cold - Sudbury -27C) Tuesday we had the best night ever with free drinks, aura readings, happy hour specials on seafood and then the Leafs vs Islanders! We lost in overtime but we got to see a shootout which was fun and we were still super tipsy so it was very very fun. Did I mention that we made signs? But we didn't get on tv. Maybe next time.

5) I had a super fun Valentine's Day. How do you say Valentine's Day fun? How about an Austrian experimental film and french food!?! FANTASTIC! ;) Good times anyway!

Sometimes my iTunes comes up with the most horrible songs. I have about 4000 songs on my computer and some weird ones that I really SHOULD delete. Particularly when I am sitting here, in a good mood, and it is all thrown to hell when suddenly all I can hear is Michael Jackson ruining the Beatles' song "Come Together". My ears are bleeding.

And I'm off...

2007-02-09T00:48:00.000-05:00

Good stuff:

2 hockey games over the next couple days (Rangers vs Tampa Bay tomorrow night in NYC then Leafs vs Islanders in Toronto on Tuesday) YEEAH!!

Getting my hair cut tomorrow - always such a cathartic process

Snowing - so pretty

Dodgeball is so much fun and I am getting better. It doesn't hold the same satisfaction that ultimate frisbee does in that you don't really feel like you are getting as much of a tough workout as frisbee, but it is just more FUN. I like jumping around.

When there is a seminar going on at work and they bring the leftover trays of fruit and snack items up to our lunch room and we get treats! My favourites are the scones (buttery goodness) and the almond croissants. Imperative to my mental well being at work!

Hey, it's been 6 months since I started my job! So today I got called into my boss's office and told that I am no longer on probation and that I get the obligatory $500 raise. Nice!

Fritz

2007-02-04T12:10:00.000-05:00

Technology is failing me lately. First my iPod. There is still no sign of life to the thing. Then our wireless signal keeps spazzing out. So my access to the internet at home is unpredictable at best. My camera has been an on-going battle for the past 3 or 4 months, with strange lines showing up in the photos and memory card errors being a common occurrence. Now the latest is my cell phone. Over the weekend during an "Apple to Apples" drinking game, one lively participant spilled her drink on my cell phone. I didn't notice until the next day that when the alarm goes off you have to turn off the phone in order to shut off the alarm, and it won't charge properly.

So the question is... which of these should I spend money on replacing/fixing? The internet, I guess I can call my provider and see what they can do for me... but the others? Not likely a very easy fix. Sorry, I am obsessing over these things and letting them make me totally grumpy. The sudden issues with all things internet/phone/music related has totally changed my every day activities and routine.

One interesting thing that I have noticed is that this week I have had really vivid dreams. I rarely remember much about my dreams, but this week, each morning, there has been a strange and seemingly real dream to wake up from and remember clearly. All since my iPod stopped working. Hmmm - connection?

I had a dream about a golden retriever who was following me around and listened to what I said. To clarify the significance of this... I have never had my own dog, so no dog has ever totally obeyed all my commands. So it was so neat in this dream to have a strange dog show up and just listen to what I said! The dream then turned to focus on an email from my old employers in Kenya (I was still living there in my dream). The email stated that I had to learn and perform a traditional African dance (in costume) by the next day or else I would be stoned to death. So I was in a second hand store trying to find a suitable costume with my mom helping me and the dog following us around. I was pretty sure that I would be able to learn the dance but I was still pretty worried about being stoned to death.

Cuban Cigars and Strip Clubs

2007-01-31T22:45:00.001-05:00

Just spent a couple days in Windsor for work, my hotel room window looking across towards Detroit. Walking around the lovely downtown I notice an abundance of strip clubs (advertising lap dances - apparently these are illegal in the U.S.?) and every shop seems to also sell Cuban cigars. I grew up on a border town but we only had 2 strip clubs and no presence of cigars that I knew of. Or was I just blind to it all? Or is this just a recent phenomenon?

I am full of stress and a sore throat after a day of talking to people for 4.5 hours. I forgot how tiring that was. And how tiring travel was. I feel so emotionally whipped and fragile right now. There is so much on my mind. And my face hurts from smiling all day. Whaa... poor me. Smiling too much!

But it is stressful looking for a new roommate. Craigslist makes it easier but people are real idiots. So far, our most hopeful response is a girl that sounds just like our old roommate - right down to sharing the same first name and occupation as a yoga instructor. But we havne't met her yet... and our expectations might be a bit high!

The next 2 weeks are looking grim. Non stop stuff. Not much of it very exciting or non-work related (except for 2 hockey games!) And my iPod is broken. I think that is what has really shattered me. I don't know what to do. I feel so lost. So aware of what is going on around me. It is all too much to handle.

Before Bed

2007-01-28T22:34:00.000-05:00

I have gotten into this terrible habit lately. I have always been one to put off going to bed (even when tired). I think it is some sort of continuation from childhood when i would try to avoid bedtime. I love sleep. I love my bed. But when it comes to be about that time when I should be in my pajamas and turning out the light, I procrastinate. And lately the procrastination has taken the form of:

1) Lying on the floor in front of my space heater. So warm. So cozy. So classy.

After I have had enough of that and I am starting to get high from the fumes of the space heater, I roll myself up off the floor and move downstairs.

2) Standing in a hot shower for too long. So warm. So cozy. So scalding. So damaging to my skin.

But I really struggle to move from either spot to my bed, where it is just as warm, far more comfortable, and less potentially damaging to my skin or lungs or whatever. And yet it continues. Night after night.

Vanilla

2007-01-27T14:21:00.000-05:00

This weather is a bit exhausting. The grey, gloomy cold. A fog has descended over my brain. I'm slow. It worries me because I have this interview coming up. For one of the schools I applied to. In 2 weeks I will head to New York to hopefully impress them with my witty banter, pointed questions and obvious intelligence. They will not only accept me on the spot, but they will offer to pay for the whole thing. I can't wait until that happens. The thing that scares me are the days like this where I am so out of it and unable to string together any semblance of a complete sentence. But I swear it is the weather and not any alcohol-related problem.

Yes, I went out last night. But I hardly drank. I had gone out for dinner right before, and gorged myself on monk fish, rapini, smoked salmon, grapefruit and greens, and vanilla creme brule for dessert. TOO MUCH FOOD. Made drinking the LAST thing I wanted to do. But it was a fun night without much alcohol. Seeing friends from undergrad who I hadn't seen in years and years. Music was fun. Very danceable. The only problem with the whole night was all the other people there. There were just too many of them. Pushing into us all night. Dancing on top of us. The worst was this one group of girls who decided to dance in 'our space' and all REEKED of vanilla. There must have been some sort of vanilla party before they came to the club. It was gross. Vanilla is a nice scent when it is subtle. But this was too much. Headache-inducing. Although they probably crowded over to our area because of our friend Jermaine. First of all, Jermaine is great because we share the same birthday (in a month!). But the real reason that he was the celebrity of the club last night was because he was wearing a classic Beverly Hills 90210 shirt. The girls could not get enough of him. "OH MY GOD! I LOVE YOUR SHIRT!" "CAN I TOUCH IT?!?!" It was hilarious. I don't think his girlfriend would have let him out loose on the town with that shirt on if she had realized the scene he caused. Even guys were stopping him to compliment him on it. Poor Chamoun, I think he felt a little overshadowed... and it was his birthday. :( Maybe next time Jermaine will let him wear the shirt so that he can feel the love.

Ok, two more gripes about clubs (just to really illustrate how I am old and crotchety and not suited to go to such venues as much as I used to be). 1) There was a 20 minute line up to get our coats from coat check. 2) There was a line up to LEAVE the building. Ok, complaining done. Time for a nap.

Music ADD

2007-01-21T21:39:00.000-05:00

I have had a couple conversations about my music ADD lately. I see it as a direct result of iTunes and its presence in my life for the last 4 years. Shuffle mentality. It is very rare that I sit and listen to a whole cd anymore, or even listen to one artist. Instead I will just keep my iPod or iTunes on shuffle and skip songs that annoy me. While this is a good way to ensure that I get access to a variety of music, with over 3800 songs in my collection, I think that there are songs out there that have gone missing in action for months that I am missing out on. And there is something to be said for listening to a whole album from start to finish, particularly concept albums and those whose order has some flow or continuity to them.

I saw Pan's Labyrinth today. It was depressing and bleak and scary and horrifying and pretty great. It shook me up a little. I would recommend it, although I must warn you, it is not your run-of-the-mill film. It is part historical war drama, mixed in with strange fantastical fantasy elements. Parts of it just remind me of a nightmare. In a way it sort of hearkens to Spirited Away. But live action.

Here are five random shuffle songs that came up on my iPod (for a glimpse of what I'm randomly listening to right now):

Mama Told Me - Three Dog Night
Foolin' Myself - Billie Holiday & Lester Youn
No One's Leaving - Jane's Addiction
It's Too Late - Otis Redding
Trust - The Cure

Wow, nothing very recent. Ok, I just clicked to see another 10 random songs and still nothing newer than 1995 came up. I think I need to update my collection a little. I swear, I have newer music, I just have a LOT of older music. And yes, the term "older" includes anything before (and including) 1995. That was more than 10 years ago dammit!

Dionne Warwick

2007-01-20T14:20:00.000-05:00

It is such a nice, cold, brisk, fresh day out today. So happy that I dragged my ass out of bed to the gym this morning then took my time coming back home; harassing Karen to grab some lunch, walking around and checking out the shops, and almost going to the art gallery to check out a photography exhibit (line ups too long). I just like being outside when it is sunny.

Last night for Michele's birthday we went for dinner at this place that also has psychics. So we all got our tarot cards read. It was pretty funny. Quite a few people had pretty accurate readings. Mine was not even close. NOT EVEN CLOSE!

So, I walk in, and the woman is all... "Wow, I have this really strong vibe ever since you walked in, and it is all about William or Bill. Who is William or Bill?" Me, being a little tipsy at this point, and really WANTING to believe she can tell me the future, am furtively searching my brain for someone I know named William or Bill. There are none. My 6th grade teacher was named Bill. That's about it.

"Ok, well, keep and eye out for William or Bill. But there is also a very strong A presence in your life. A blond man with an A name, like Aiden or Andrew - he has strong feelings for you". No, no A-men. Dammit, I am starting to have my doubts about her now.

It only gets worse...
"Your parents are divorced." No.
"Your sister is going to have a baby girl". I don't have a sister. And my brother is single.
"You are going to travel to Vancouver soon". Um, well, I was there 4 months ago, but I don't think I'll be back for a while... but who knows... that one might work.
"You will only be at your job for another year and a half" Well, actually, I'm not sure if I will even last that long... but ok, good to know.
"You need to stick your feet in the mud and feel the earth between your toes. Pray, but remember that praying isn't religious, it is spiritual, whether you pray to mother earth, Jesus, Buddha or whomever"
This last thing, she said to almost all of us. It is tough to be a psychic and give a reading to 12 girls in the same group... you must run out of things to say. All the girls who were there that were married were told they would have babies within the next year, all the girls who were single were told they would meet someone within the next year, all the girls who were in relationships were told they would be engaged within a year.

Anyway, it was fun regardless. But I started to feel bad for her. And I couldn't stop laughing because when I am in ridiculous situations like that all I can do is think about telling my friends about my experience and it always makes me laugh to imagine their reactions.

Maybe I'm just not readable. Or Prince William or Bill Clinton are going to enter my life and sweep me off my feet. Who really knows?

Dodging Bullets

2007-01-18T21:56:00.000-05:00

I played my first game of Dodgeball tonight. I was a little bit nervous initially, mostly about getting hit in the face, but I quickly realized that a) that probably wouldn't happen because hitting someone in the face is illegal and b) the ball is REALLY REALLY soft so it wouldn't hurt if I got hit anyway. It was so fun. But crazy, because you are playing with 4 balls. 6 people per side, 4 balls, completely crazy. But so fun. Any kind of physical activity and calories burnt in the process was completely erased by the beer and nachos we ate after. But it is a SPORT and SOCIAL club... so you need the social aspect in order for it to all be worth it.

Last night I had a dream that Simon from American Idol was hiding in a shed in my back yard. I watch the show last night for the first time in like 3 years and I dream about it right away. I think the reason is that two of the people that they were making fun of (you know the mother/daughter with the glasses & red lipstick?) remind me of the mother & sister of a girl I know from elementary school who is really sick right now. It kind of made me mad that they were mocking them. I know that is the whole reason that people watch the show during the beginning episodes, is just for the crazy people that are out there... but it makes me sad that everyone laughs at these completely clueless people who are so earnest and thankful for the opportunity. Although, my GOD... that girl REALLY should have been wearing a bra! And was the Pussycat Dolls' song REALLY a good choice? Seriously?!? But some people come on that show purposely acting weird, but these two seemed actually authentic and clueless to their strangeness.

Tomorrow I go to see a psychic. I am not a believer in such things but rather am very interested in what she will tell me based on my outward appearances, body language, and overall demeanor. I will let you know how it goes!

Also, good news in that I can delay my acceptance to school #1 until after my interview with school #2. YIPPEE! One less thing to worry about.

Trees that sparkle

2007-01-16T23:33:00.000-05:00

Today was a good day. It was cold but sunny, so the snow in the trees melted just enough to form beautiful shiny icicles on all the branches. It was so pretty.

I was on my way home thinking about challenges and how they really push us to be our best, despite the fact that they are hard as hell when you are working through them. And I decided that if I got accepted into the really hard school that I applied to, then I should go, even if the program at the other (still really good) school that I already got into is more of a perfect fit for me. Just because it would be a challenge and scary thing to go to the hard school, and it would really expose me to things I would never encounter at the other school. It would also cause me to uproot myself again, and for once I am feeling like staying here for a while. So I got home and promptly found in my inbox that I have been offered an interview at the hard school. Wow. So now I just need to figure out how to proceed next, try to ask for a decision extension from already accepted school and try to figure out how to ace the interview. Shite. Happy but crazy anxiety about the whole thing.

I had such a fun night going skating and watching the hockey game and drinking beer and having wings that I almost completely forgot about school stresses. Skating! It was so cold! I am still cold! FUN!

Bless the beasts and children

2007-01-15T23:12:00.000-05:00

Today was a very Africa day for me. Just in that I was thinking about it all day. First major snow fall of the year and it isn't phasing me a bit. In fact, it leads me to believe that Kenya was all a figment of my imagination. Looking at my Kat in Kenya archives from last year, I am flabbergasted. I feel like I was so much cooler then. Braver. Part of that person is fading from me already. Or maybe I just haven't had the opportunity to show that side of me lately.

And I have been reading UN special envoy for HIV/AIDS in Africa Stephen Lewis' book "Race Against Time: Searching for Hope in AIDS-Ravaged Africa". Flying through it now. I love it so much. I like the combination of facts and personal accounts. I like the way he plows through the black and white bits and then becomes a sentimentalist softy who just loves Africa and its people so much. It is enough to have me misting up as I sit in the Laundromat waiting for my socks to dry. Strange thing, these socks. 2 pairs, same brand, same fabric, same wear, but one pair is brown, the other black. The black one comes out perfectly dry, the brown is still wet... quite damp. What gives?

For all the people who set out to make a difference in the world, how many of them succeed? How many of them never give up, despite their lack of success? How many give up right away?

Golden Globes... watched for about an hour before I had to get away. This show always makes me laugh because they have all been drinking all night already and so everyone talks through all the speeches and if the person talking isn't funny, then they don't get polite laughs. The best part of the show was when Ben Stiller was up introducing Borat as best picture nomination and pretended he was introducing "Night at the Museum" but no one laughed and they showed Sasha Baron Cohen and he didn't look amused at all. Damn, that made me laugh.

It is so bright outside with the snow. It is like someone left the lights on.

Payday

2007-01-12T10:33:00.000-05:00

Something about money that stresses people out. Myself included. Positive note: Yeah! I got offered a bursary for my upcoming studies next year! Negative note: Booo! I'm still going to have to get a MAJOR loan from a bank and be in debt for a long, long time. What if I don't get a good job right away? Should I still go travelling this summer with the money I had put aside or should I use that towards the impending monetary doom that awaits me? Or should I just travel anyway, as you only live once and opportunity is more important than money?

Crybaby voice in my head: "Why can't I just be RICH!?!?"

Ok, it is out of my system now. Incessant whining officially stops here.

Kilkenny beer is really the perfect beer. I had two pints last night as I watched the Leafs miraculously beat the mighty Buffalo Sabres. It is the perfect consistency. Weighty but not too heavy but with enough body and flavour. Plus the bar we went to was fantastic. They played the strangest variety of music, but it was all unbelievably good.

Let all the children boogie

2007-01-07T21:38:00.000-05:00

I went to see Babel tonight. It was good but I didn't love it. The acting was great but it left me with a weird taste in my mouth. It was very bleak. But I didn't feel sad, just helpless, watching said bleak events occur. But I guess it did effect my mood. Suddenly, it seems like everything and everyone around me is bleak. Everything has a sadness attached to it.

Despite this, I like it when movies temporarily change the way I feel and view the world. It can be like a drug you take... eventually it wears off and you are back to normal, but for a while you see everything around you and the potential violence that could occur, the beauty that exists, or the loneliness. It also makes music more poignant. Maybe it is just me.

It has been tough for me to write anything lately. When i get stressed I shut everyone out more than usual. I need to figure out how to stop doing that. It is frustrating because I am a person who likes to be in control of things, and it makes me so mad when I cannot control myself and how I act.

Today I did laundry and there was a girl there who had really bad body odour and a guy caught me lip-syncing along to my iPod. At the grocery store, I went to buy red grapes and when the cashier rang them in they came to $11 so I didn't buy them. I also found a pair of cute grey running shoes at Zara on sale for $22.99. 10 years ago I was in my last year of high school. I found out that a girl from my high school class died of cancer in December. Another girl I have known since grade 6 is dying of lymphatic cancer. What does anyone do differently than anyone else to have that happen to them?

Little things

2007-01-03T21:07:00.000-05:00

Last night I had a dream that I was on a picnic with Peter Saarsgaard, but he was all huge and a body builder and told me that he wakes up at 4:30am to work out and that he was disappointed that the beetroot salad he made didn't turn out as creamy as he wanted. Hmmm. Ok.

I was totally on the ball this morning. Totally psyched that I would be on time for work. Early even. Until my contact dramatically flung itself from my eye and I didn't find it until it was under my foot. It was a disposable one - but still! So I was a little late and missed the streetcar by thismuch only to wait 10 minutes for the next one and discover that I forgot my transit pass at home. GARRR! Now already running late I will have to pay the $2.75 each way. The pissy thing about this is that I have 'back up' tickets usually but my wallet broke so they are at home on my desk and that yesterday I found a token in my change purse but gave it to a friend because "I will never need this!".

Somehow only 10 minutes late to work but I was still put in a bad mood by that little string of events. At least the computers were back up. So in between actual work, and reading Youth by J.M. Coetzee, I looked at apartments that I want to move into in the spring. And drew floor plans of how I would put my furniture. Ok, it was a slow day! :)

On my way home I went to the gym, only to discover that I forgot my gym card at home. NOT FUNNY! That's it. I'm buying a new wallet tomorrow.

Special shout-out to the IT department!

2007-01-02T23:32:00.000-05:00

What is the best thing that can happen when you go back to work after a week of holidays and you really don't feel like being there? How about the computer server and entire email system is down! So everyone gets to go home after lunch and enjoy the beautiful weather?!!!?! Awesome. If someone REALLY wants to make me happy, maybe it will still be down tomorrow! :)

I had a great afternoon, walking, having tea, hanging with a friend, going to a gallery, making soup, then having port & delicious aged cheese to end the evening. Why can't all days be like that?

I saw Volver last night and then proceeded to have dreams that I was friends with Penelope Cruz all night. And sometimes I turned into her. Strange. But great film.

Resolution

2007-01-01T22:35:00.000-05:00

This whole 'holiday season' I have not really felt like any of it was authentic. I kind of felt like I was just going through the motions and having fun, but not really feeling "christmassy" or whatever. I usually feel this strange surges of nostalgia during this time of year. Not so, this year. And I felt a little cheated. Maybe I'm just getting older. Anyway, when it comes to New Years, my lack of caring about the holiday was actually beneficial, particularly because I usually hate New Years. This year I really didn't see it as a big deal. And so I had fun. It was very low-key with fondue & games, then a concert, then late-night Chinese food. The only really spectacular event of the evening was the streetcar ride home when a very obviously soiled crazy lady started harassing Mariza with a water bottle. Not the nicest way to end a night out. Poor Mariza.

I was trying to think of resolutions but was only able to come up with really dry things, like take french classes & go to two new countries. But then today I was sitting in the laundromat, waiting for my clothes to dry when I saw my horoscope. It read:

PISCES. You're not wearing a chastity belt right now, right? You don't have on shoes that are so tight that they constrict your sense of adventure? And please tell me you're not lugging around toxic beliefs about the impossibility of experiencing authentic joy in this "sick, twisted, miserable world we live in." But if by chance you HAVE victimized yourself with any of the debilitation's I just named - or any other form of self-torture for the matter - please take this opportunity to unburden yourself. The time has come for you to explore the mysteries of pleasure, happiness and outright euphoria. I hope that in 2007 you will fully exploit the new title I now anoint you with: Bliss Warrior.

Ok, that is just a strange horoscope in the first place, but it got me to thinking. It made me recall a conversation I had with K a few weeks ago, who admitted to regretting not coming to Ethiopia with me last year. Which made me reflect on my own regrets. I hate regrets. Worse than past regrets is seeing myself become more close minded about what I can and should do. And I see that happening to me lately. I have been caring far too much about what the people around me think. And it has been inhibiting my choices. No one is trying to stifle me, I am only stifling myself.

I think there are two things that I need to do this year. The first is to continue to take stock of how lucky I am every day. It helps me keep things in perspective and allows me to be less likely to take things for granted. I am lucky to have my life and I shouldn't forget it. The second thing is to be more active in pursuing happiness. This includes taking full advantage of my surroundings and all the free and low-cost activities and events I can take part in. I should be more friendly to acquaintances and strangers. It reminds me that the world is friendly when I can share a smile with random people.

I was telling someone about my cousin and saying how she is great and reminds me a bit of me in that she is crazy and fun and the person remarked that he hadn't seen my 'crazy' side yet. And it is because I haven't had one recently. I couldn't think of one thing that I have done lately that is 'crazy fun'. I don't know how I ever came to think of myself that way. And now I am afraid that I am not even really like that. But I want to be. So I have to figure that one out. And by crazy I don't mean the crazy drunk, or the mentally unstable one. :)

So my deep thoughts came a little later than they usually do, but it is good to take stock once in a while and try and figure out where you are and where you want to go next. Despite my usual disdain for New Years, I admit it is good for that purpose.

I hope you all have a happy New Year.

Christmas Cheer

2006-12-21T23:40:00.000-05:00

My boss let me leave work a half of an hour early. I left work, knowing that I would be out of the office for the next 11 days (!) and felt so free. Sitting on the subway & streetcar, listening to Christmas music, I was actually getting choked up. Especially when I think about all the people who feel worse this time of year, instead of better. I'm so lucky that I get excited for Christmas. I associate it with good things. And people who I still have around me. So I am trying to remember how lucky I am. Because I know how quickly everything can change. Anyway, so I'm happy.

I went to the Eaton Centre to take photos and wander around tonight. It is a lot more fun to go to a crazy busy mall when you don't actually have any shopping to do and you can just pay attention to what is going on around you.

The best part of the night was when I took the streetcar to the mall. I had the singing streetcar driver! I love him! He sings the stops. "Grrrrr-aaaace StreeeeeT!" He has this lovely baritone voice. I wish he was my streetcar driver everyday. There used to be a subway driver who would be all funny and weird when he was driving later at night. He used to say things like "And for those folks who were wondering, the answer to tonight's trivia question was Banana. Thanks to everyone for trying!" Or he would say "St Clair Station.... Just kidding, folks, we're really at Dundas West Station!" People would laugh. Smile at each other. Stuff that doesn't normally happen in a subway, you know?

Posterity

2006-12-20T08:24:00.000-05:00

Ok, I read my post from yesterday and I feel stupid about it now.

I have been trying to be in a good Christmas mood and I see other people struggling with it too. People smiling more and pushing less. People making small talk with strangers about the unusually warm weather or the craziness of December.

Yesterday was my office holiday luncheon. So, I won this prize… it is “The O.C. – Season Three”. The thing is, I may have only seen the show once and don’t really like it. And I don’t know anyone else who would like it. So do you think if I went into HMV without a receipt (but it is still in the wrapping), that I could exchange it for something else? It just seems like such a waste.

Last night I had the pleasure of eating a lot of meat at a Korean barbeque place with M & J. They like to mock me. Last night I gave them plenty to mock with my confusion between the words “prosperity” and “posterity”. It turns out that when you say “Those photos were taken for prosperity” that it is wrong. But that’s what friends are for, right? To mock you when you make a mistake so that you will never do it again. And then they mock you some more, just for good measure

Sweating Stuff

2006-12-19T23:48:00.000-05:00

Today I was reading Wikipedia to see who died recently (I was bored, ok?) and I found this somewhat ironic entry:

December 13, 2006. Richard Carlson, 45, American author (Don't Sweat the Small Stuff), heart attack.

I have been trying not to sweat the small stuff lately. But right now I am sweating the big stuff. I have some major decisions to make and it is stressing me out so much. Maybe I am just overtired and freaking out a lot about this today, but I am completely doubting myself right now. I am feeling that overwhelmed feeling where I am questioning my ability to do pretty much anything right.

The thing that always throws me off is that when I am making decisions, I can only seem to concentrate on what I might miss by making that decision, the "opportunity cost". And I have this stupid obsession that I have to take the more difficult and challenging route every time, even if it is not necessarily what is actually best for me. I care too much what other people think. Even when it has nothing to do with them. It is so stupid. I'm just freaking out.

Like, let's just say i got accepted into this school I applied to. But upon receiving the acceptance, I kind of feel like it was too easy to get in. And now i can only think about how I want to get into the harder school that I applied to, the one I am less likely to get in to. Despite the fact that the first one is really good and I wanted to go there and it might even be the better fit for me. The worst thing is, that I can clearly see this stupid psychology going on in my head. And yet there is nothing I can do, I still feel that way.

I drive myself insane sometimes.

Swiss Cheese with Pink Peppercorns

2006-12-18T23:20:00.000-05:00

Montreal is such a great city. I have been there about 5 times now. And people have always told me how great it is, and yet I never saw it. But this time, somehow I was able to see it. Michele & I wandered around the city pretty much non stop for two days, just walking and shopping and sampling the food and beverages the city has to offer. I wish I spoke French because it seems like it would be a great place to live. I love the houses. I love the restaurants. And the boys are very cute. I think it also really helped that we went when we did. Right before Christmas, with all the decorations up, and people in great moods. And the weather was quite mild (above zero) and even sunny for most of the time we were there. I have the same fuzzy warm feelings towards Montreal now than I do towards New York when I had a similarly good experience right before Christmas two years ago. It has made me feel more Christmas-sy. Toronto is Christmas-sy too, but when I am here, I am busy doing work or house stuff or other stressful things and I don't take the time to appreciate the Christmas goodness here.

I also got a chance to visit with Lauren who I haven't seen since we left Kenya. First over fondue (cheese & meat & chocolate!) then she threw a huge party on Saturday night that honestly puts to shame any of the big parties we attended in Kenya as far as food / beverages / service / atmosphere goes. She has come a long way from our humble brunch parties!

Anyway, I am a bit all over the place. Only 4 more days until I head back to the Soo for Christmas. So much to do between then and now. I am a bit dazed thinking about it all. I can't wait to go home.

Mouldy cheese bread

2006-12-15T12:15:00.000-05:00

So we have had a minor mouse problem for a month or two. We would find droppings, so we set traps, but nothing was caught. And then there wouldn't be any droppings for a while. So we hoped they went away, you know, because they saw the traps and got scared. If they were smart...

Yesterday I came home to see a mouse in the doorway of my roommates C's room. Then I saw one peeking out of my vent. This made me rather unhappy.

My room is fairly clean. I vacuum regularly and don't leave food in it. So when my roommate L came home, I told her about seeing the mouse in C's room and in my vent. C is away until after Christmas so we decided to make sure that she didn't leave any food in her room. Well, she did. Her room looked clean until I looked under the bed (where the vent that attaches to my vent is located) and found two grocery bags. One of them had a moulded cheese bun. Just sitting there. Not wrapped in anything. The other one had some garbage and a bunch of crushed up cookies. The bags weren't tied or anything, they were just lying on the floor.

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!

Sorry, I am upset. So we got rid of the garbage under her bed and proceeded to find a dead mouse in one of the traps downstairs. And so we got rid of it and then cleaned the kitchen from top to bottom. And threw away a garbage bag full of old mouldy food (from cupboards and fridge) and expired food (some that had ceased to be fresh in 2003).

So there will have to be an intervention of sorts. I actually feel a lot better. Because I thought that it was both of them. And I didn't want to be the control freak roommate who scolded everyone to clean up after themselves. So I didn't. And I was just kind of grossed out and disappointed with both of them. Now, it is something L & I can talk to C about, and hopefully it can be fixed. Because these girls are really great and I don't want something that is preventable to be an issue.

And I'm going on holiday tomorrow. To Montreal. It feels like a big holiday even though it is only for 3 days. I am just looking forward to hopping on the train and staying in a hotel and shopping and eating out and drinking HUGE cans of beer in our hotel room. :) And Michele is coming! FUN! And I can see Lauren! FUN.

So for L's sake, we aren't going to set the traps again until I come back... so she won't have to face cute but gross dead rodents on her own.

Update: Michele called me, just home from an office holiday party, to tell me that she hasn't had a chance to pack yet. She hiccuped a lot. She said that she had underwear and pajamas packed, but nothing dynamic. She almost won a contest at the party. But she didn't. It was the best party she has ever been to in her life. I think I better call her in the morning to make sure she gets up in time for the train. Too funny.

Humbug

2006-12-12T23:38:00.000-05:00

I went to see A Christmas Carol tonight. And sitting there listening to Scrooge, it reminded me of a comment I read in the Globe & Mail today, in response to an article about Stephen Lewis, the UN's special envoy for HIV/AIDS, saying in a speech that large corporations should be more active donating money/resources in the fight against HIV/AIDS. See the similarities between the two? The only sad thing is, the second one is a fictional character, the first one is a real person. Bah Humbug.

roger price from Andorra writes: This is an African problem, they caused it they can suffer or cure it. I for one, have no interest of investing in a company just to have the profits go to some cause in Africa. Income from my investments is to cover my living costs and the huge taxes that the government of Canada takes to funds healthcare here at home. Why should we underfund our own problems to help finance those unwilling or incapable of helping themselves? What does Lewise want, that we should give ALL our resources to Africa, bet he accepts his huge salary and benefits, what would he do if his income went to an African hole in the ground?

Charles Dickens writes: "I wish to be left alone," said Scrooge. "Since you ask me what I wish, gentlemen, that is my answer. I don't make merry myself at Christmas and I can't afford to make idle people merry. I help to support the establishments I have mentioned -- they cost enough; and those who are badly off must go there."

"Many can't go there; and many would rather die."

"If they would rather die," said Scrooge, "they had better do it, and decrease the surplus population."

Accounting for Dummies

2006-12-11T23:18:00.000-05:00

Wow, I just had my accounting exam and it was hard. That sucks. Not fun. Girl running out of classroom in tears, everyone staying the full allotted time, my head still spinning (or is that the recovery wine)? The girl who ran out... she was there when I left (about 2 minutes before it was due) on the phone crying about how she just wasted the last 3 months and how she doesn't want to take the class again.

Wow. School stresses people out. Myself included. And with thoughts towards going back next year, I am wondering how I would deal being a full-time student again. Part of it is so appealing because it is just more exciting and there just seem to be more possibilities on the horizon when you are in school. The major downfalls are 1) group work (when you are stuck with a shitty group) and 2) never being DONE until you are DONE. By this I mean the homework and extra readings that could very potentially take up each and every waking hour of your 'free time'. Where as at least at work, you do your work sometimes overtime or weekends, but once you go home you can relax.

Unless you are a masochist and take an accounting class. I am so glad it is DONE!

Photos of mask in my room that in my delerium after studying too much yesterday, I started to worry that it was possessed and would kill me in my sleep. Today he seems friendly though, so I am not as worried.

Such Great Heights

2006-12-08T16:31:00.000-05:00

Last night I dreamt that I was standing on a miles high skyscraper to enjoy the view. I couldn't remember how I got up there and I was talking on a cell phone to my friend (miles below me) who told me that the only way down was to jump over to the next building (about 1/2 mile away and a good 1/2 mile below) and use a jet pack strapped to my back that might not work. You could only tell if it worked by jumping off the building.

It was a bit of a scary dream. But I was trying to stay calm. I have this fear of heights and often have dreams where I am falling pretty much forever. Most of my dreams consists of the time and emotions that I face as I fall to my impending death. I often wonder if I will die instantly or not. And if it will hurt. So that was strange. It was a sunny, clear day in the dream and a very nice view aside from the dizzying look downward.

Today I used some of my many overtime hours to take the day off work and did some sleeping in and catching up on things. Harassed my friends who are at work and wore my pajamas layered with fleece and a toque because it is COLD in my apartment. Even with my space heater blasting away it is too chilly for my liking.

How many months does winter last again?

Turtlenecks

2006-12-05T21:09:00.000-05:00

I like wearing turtlenecks because it is fun to unfold the neck part and put it over my face and pretend I am a ninja.

I downloaded like 25 songs from iTunes tonight. So exciting! AND I made plans for New Years! Yippee. But really, I think it will be fun. We are going to the Horseshoe Tavern to see The Sadies play. I usually HATE New Years. Because of all the terrible expectations that it has to be "the best party night of the year". And I usually never have very good plans. Or a date. Not that I have a date for New Years this year. But I have plans. And that, my friends, is half the battle.

I like how December is basically this whole month, ONE TWELFTH of the YEAR, that is set aside for this whole "let's be jolly and give gifts and throw parties". Part of me thinks it is a bit excessive, the other part of me just wants some eggnog with extra rum, please.

One Tequila Shot

2006-12-03T22:41:00.000-05:00

Uhhh. I swear, I am turning into an old lady. I hardly drink anything and I keep getting these terrible hangovers and headaches the next day. Last weekend it was 3 glasses of wine and my head was splitting the next day. Last night was a little more wine and one shot of tequila and my mind was MUSH today. Ugh. And I even drank a ton of water when I got home. I don't get it.

Anyway, it was a fairly tame weekend otherwise. But fun. I went to the Dufferin Mall, which is a completely ghetto mall (even though they have an H&M) and on my way home I snapped these photos. See, the Duff has this gorgeous park just beside it. And the sun was setting but the mall blocked out the light so the bottom of the trees stayed dark. It was the coolest thing to see. Great timing on my part.

Today, despite the headache, I happily went to the Toronto Maple Leafs Skills Competition. I had 3rd row seats. It was awesome. I love hockey. I went by myself but I had so much fun.

Having dinner with K last night she reminded me of something I used to say all the time which I think is really funny. I used to say that boys who were hot were "solid". I remember reading an old journal of mine and I actually used the word "gnarly" quite often. I was so rad back in the day.

Just when you least expect it

2006-11-27T21:59:00.000-05:00

Ughh. Work took a long time tonight. But I got to be a judge at an "Apprentice" type competition. That was kind of fun. I tried to be mean. Some of these kids really had NO idea what they were doing. Silly kids.

Then I started my Christmas shopping. I had an hour in a mall (from 8 - 9pm) and it was completely empty, so I figured I should take advantage of not having to deal with line ups and crowds. I hate line ups and crowds. But I really like buying people things.

I bought a few little things for my friend's kids (she has a boy and a girl) and I was walking towards the cash out when I realized that I was buying each of the kids completely gender stereotypical gifts. I was buying the 3 yr old girl a shiny golden purse and the baby boy a hunting-style hat and flannel shirt. I had to stop myself. I mean, is this the right thing to do? Perpetuate the roles that each of these kids should take? Shouldn't I buy the girl a hunting hat too or maybe the boy would also like the shiny purse, isn't it their decision what they like, it shouldn't be forced upon them?

Ok, so I was having those thoughts in my head but approaching the matter with a sense of humour and mostly just laughing at myself. In the end I got the boy the flannel shirt & hat because he is only 2 months old and will have no idea what the heck he is wearing anyway. The little girl, I got some cool magnets and I'll get her something else later. Everybody wins.

So remember I mentioned the boy who never called me? Well, I am sitting on the subway on my way home, after a long 12 hour work day, looking like poo and who walks on the empty subway but that boy. DAMMIT. That never happens when I look good and am feeling witty!! We chatted for a bit, he said he would call me or something and then I got off the subway. By the way, he was on his way home from having sushi and watching tv with his EX GIRLFRIEND. That is not a good sign. Anyway... maybe everybody doesn't win after all.

Now is the time on Sprockets when we dance.

Spare some change?

2006-11-23T22:16:00.000-05:00

Don't you hate it when you have not just one, but TWO ideas of what to write about in your blog, and then you sit in front of the computer and forget?

I got my hair cut today. I asked my hairdresser about how many people fall asleep when they get their hair cut. She says it only seems to happen when the clients know the hairdressers really well or if they are older men.

She was nice. I felt bad about making that quip the other day about my relief about popular girls from highschool becoming hairdressers.

I was walking home listening to my iPod really loudly. A man was sitting on some church steps with this really cool vintage bike, in a puffy down vest, punching a number into his fun little cell phone and he said something to me that I could only half hear, so I took out the ear phone and asked him to repeat himself because I was SURE that I had misheard him. Then he held out his hand and said again,"Spare some change?" I was just kind of shocked so I just kept walking without responding because I had no idea how to. He didn't look very needy, not that one needs to look needy to get change, but I just don't know... I'm still not sure what that was about.

I hate it when I give a boy my number and then a week later he still hasn't called. I immediately think that I gave him the wrong number by accident. Or that he just changed his mind. Dammit. I wish I didn't care.

Also, how great is it that someone from POLAND found my blog by googling "Hipsters don't drive cars" and someone from SPAIN found my blog by googling "Orientals crazy bra".

Walking Wounded

2006-11-21T23:28:00.000-05:00

Tonight was the second night in a row that my iPod chose the song "Mad World" by Sacre from Donnie Darko to come up as I am walking home and it always creeps me out. It is such a good song. Or maybe it is just the moment in the movie that it was playing that struck me in such a way that I just have carried that emotion over whenever I hear the song. Anyway, I like it even though as I walk I imagine a large piece of jumbo jet is going to fall from the sky and crush me.

I did some high school presentations today. 2 things: 1) All kids in high school are such messes and such nerds and so many look so lost and depressed that I just want to tell them all "Don't worry! It will get better!" I liked high school for the most part, but it would have helped to know that in the future things do change and that all the popular girls eventually become hairdressers (not that there is anything wrong with being a hairdresser but it is somehow comforting that they are not astronauts or something). 2) How the hell can any high school kid know what they want to be when they grow up when they are in high school? In fact, how do we ever even decide? It is such a random path that we take, it could all be effected by ONE teacher randomly telling you that you are good at something so that is what you should be come, or that you do poorly once in one subject because your teacher was crappy and you write off a whole slew of career possibilities in one fell swoop because you refuse to take math EVER again. It makes me nervous. Like those dreams I have where I am walking along a tightrope and tipping both ways, and the smallest thing will effect which way that I fall. Is there ever really a RIGHT decision? A BEST decision? I wish there was. I wish it was that simple. I wish we were all born to be one thing and it was written on the bottom of our left foot so that we might not have to stress so much about it. Although I guess that would kind of limit a lot of people. I'm just tired is all.

It is starting to get cold but it was a gorgeous crisp clear sunny day today. Ahhhh! Can I admit that I loved the weather despite the cold? And that the crispness even made the day even better? I must be on crack again.

Sometimes I worry...

2006-11-20T22:37:00.000-05:00

I feel like I look at people more now than I used to. Like when I am walking down the street, I look people in the eye when I pass them. I never used to do that but I have started recently and felt pretty good about it. Until I realized that I was suddenly accountable for saying hi to people I know. Like people from work. But I am terrible at recognizing people. Probably because I have spent most of my life avoiding eye contact with people and have never developed the skill. There are about 60 people in my office and I have regular contact with about 12 of them. Plus I am out of the office on the road about 60% of the time. The rest, I think they think I am a big snob. When I am in the office, I smile and say hi to everybody. When I am out of the office, on the streets, I walk fast (as I always do), make eye contact, and usually don't say hi or smile to anyone because I don't recognize anyone. But I have managed to make eye contact with people from my work (who I dont' recognize) and then ignore them and kept walking. Only to see them in my office building, minutes later. Arhghh. Maybe it was better to keep my eyes to the ground.

Now, I am paranoid when I am walking in the vicinity of my office. I smile at everyone. And if I don't, then the paranoia creeps in ("does that women in jogging pants that I just ignored work at my office?") and then I feel guilty.

I just want people to like me. No, not necessarily even like me. Just not hate me. I don't want people to think I am a big snob. When it isn't my fault. Maybe the fact that I still don't know everyone in my office yet actually MAKES me a big snob. I'm so confused.

It is really not the end of the world. I can only try my best, right?

Wha' happen?

2006-11-19T00:20:00.000-05:00

Wow, where did the summer go? Today we play my last Ultimate Frisbee game of the year... outside and lucky we never had to face any snow. This photo was taken back when I first started in May.

Oh Wallpaper!

2006-11-16T22:45:00.000-05:00

Today I went out of town for work. Drove out to Waterloo for the day, to do four presentations. At 11, 1, 3 and 7. Spent like 10 hours with the same two ladies who were also presenting. There was a bit of a generation gap between us. During lunch we talked about wallpaper for the entire hour. WALLPAPER! I wanted to cry.

It was a long day. That is all I will say. Driving home in fog as thick as oatmeal was also not fun. But I made it home in one piece so I am happy. The one thing that really ticked me off today, more than anything else, was those damned hipsters. Those bloody suede slouch booted, studded belt-wearing hipsters parked their cars in the parking lot I usually use, because THEY have a social life and are out for drinks in my hip little neighbourhood on a Thursday night. Grrrr. Damn you hipsters for making me park my rental in a lot 15 minutes away from my house. Wait a minute... I thought hipsters don't drive cars, but only ride funky old bikes? Even worse, my lot was filled with cars driven by POSEUR HIPSTERS! Can it get any worse than that? I don't think so!

Silvery Mullets

2006-11-15T17:56:00.000-05:00

I've noticed that a large percentage of male Toronto Transit Authority street car and bus drivers have silvery mullets. I like it. It goes perfectly with the maroon jacket and grey trousers they wear.

Tonight, I am not working. I am catching up on some things I have needed to do for a while. One of them is cooking a meal for myself. Sorry Jared, I am getting pretty sick of Subway, every day.

I am starting to get excited about Christmas. There is just something so special about that magical time of year, where there isn't much to do at work and you get invited over to people's houses to drink eggnog with liquor, or cider with liquor, and you do a lot of shopping and eat a lot of seafood and cookies. At least that is my tradition.

John Mayer actually has a really funny blog. He made a great prediction about Borat and how it will effect us all in the coming months. Perhaps Dionne Warwick's Psychic Friends Network could be a second job for him? I found his blog through Perez Hilton's website. Perez Hilton is a gossiping blogger whose site I have become addicted to in my recent months of stress. Most of it is just nasty shite, but it is somehow comforting to read about some of the shite that goes down in celebrity-ville. Plus, other than the online newspapers that I read, nothing else is updated about 20 times a day, so it is instant gratification. With the blogs I read, they are updated once a day max, so it is nice to be able to rely on Perez to give me something fresh to read almost every time i go online. Plus where else am I going to read about Alien Cruise, Nicole Ritchie, and Lance and Matt's love affair? Hmmm?

Issues

2006-11-12T21:54:00.000-05:00

This is a portion of an article that was in the Globe and Mail today:

The federal government pledged more than $40-million on Sunday towards microfinance projects in Asia, Africa and Latin America that help poor people access financial services.
Foreign Minister Peter Mackay said the money will be dispersed through Développement International Desjardins, Canadian Co-operative Association and Oxfam Québec.

He made the announcement to about 2,000 people from around the world, who gathered for a four-day summit in Halifax to discuss how to increase financial access for the poorest people on the planet.

The Global Microcredit Summit comes just a month after Muhammad Yunus and the Grameen Bank he founded won this year's Nobel Peace Prize. The premise of his bank is simple: providing tiny loans and training to poor people – women in particular – can create self-sufficiency and benefit whole communities.

Then I clicked to read what comments people made about the article. I always tell myself not to do it, because it gets me so upset, but I always click and I always get upset. Especially by comments like this:

dave srigley from Toronto, Canada writes: I am really very tired with my tax dollars being used for the benefit of foreigners.

James Cyr from Balmertown, writes: This money is not going to do one bit to 'alleviate poverty'. I resent my tax dollars going towards a farce like this!

Sometimes I get so very tired.

It has been a busy weekend. And I am fighting a bit of a cold. Having ginger in my tea will hopefully help.

For a long time - ok - a REALLY long time, like 15 years, I couldn't stand ginger. The smell of it would make me nauseous. I didn't want it in any of my food. Because I associated it with this time when I got sick when I was 10.

Picture it: Winnipeg, 1984. First trip to a province other than Ontario to visit Uncle R and family. I remember having my first rootbeer float. Going to the Canadian Mint where the money is made and that there was glass floors, horrifying me because then everyone would be able to see up women's skirts. Then one night we went to a fancy Japanese restaurant. It was one of those places where you all sit around a grill and the chef grills and chops everything up in front of you. Everything was so exciting and good! But so different tasting. In Sault Ste Marie, I don't think I had ever had anything with ginger in it before. It may have been too much for my bland, white-bread stomach to handle. Then came dessert, orange sherbet with chocolate chips. I'll never forget it. I was starting to feel a little woozy by this point. I had a headache and felt nauseous, initially blaming the strange combo of orange and chocolate (a combination I still dislike to this day). Once back at the house it was time for bed. My brother and I sharing a room, I had my Cabbage Patch doll Maggie with me. She had short blond wool hair. In the middle of the night I woke up sweating and feeling gross and suddenly barfed all over my Cabbage Patch kid's head (and the bed). I swear, her wool hair was never the same. My brother, being the one who usually puked, excitedly ran downstairs to tell my mom. She cleaned it up, got some new sheets and told me that the strange food probably just upset my stomach and put me back to sleep. About a half of an hour later, I woke up, feeling sick again. This time I had the insight to make a run for the bathroom. Halfway there I vomited all over the hallway, proceeded to walk THROUGH the puke and then continued my puking in the bathroom. This time, my mom brought me and a bowl downstairs so she could keep an eye on me while I slept. I woke up once again, not feeling the best but not wanting to wake up my mom by puking in front of her so I walked quickly and calmly to the downstairs bathroom before I opened the door and threw up. Only this time I opened the wrong door. It was the sauna, not the bathroom. I'm not sure if THAT smell ever went away.

2 things:

1) It amazes me that I had the capacity to throw up that many times. That was just so much vomit in me.

2) Kenya saved the day as far as getting me to be able to each ginger again. It was the ginger cookies and the Stoney Tangaweezi (Ginger Beer).

Detour

2006-11-09T21:31:00.000-05:00

Strange the things that get strangers to talk to one another in this city. Today I left work with a plan to meet Viv for dinner. She's back in town after Paris and I haven't seen her in 2 years. 2 YEARS. As I walked to the subway I noticed the police cars, firetrucks, ambulances, sirens, flashing lights. I was REALLY hoping it was just a bomb threat in a near by office building. No dice. All anyone said was that the power was out and the subways weren't working from Eglinton to Bloor along the Yonge Line. RIGHT. POWER OUT. AKA there must have been a jumper. ANYWAY, I was waiting for a bus but on Eglinton it is impossible so I huffed my way down to St Clair and managed to get on a westward bus. It was filled with women. I really saw no men other than the driver. I asked someone if anyone knew if the University line was running. Suddenly we got into the topic of subway jumpers and how it happens once a day, you just don't hear about it that often, and why would anyone want to jump in front of a subway because you never die and then this one woman with a loud booming voice kept saying, "They have to back up the train, regardless of what state you are in underneath the train. So you get run over again. They have to back it up! The poor drivers!!" Then somehow we got into a group discussion about more effective ways about killing yourself and how pills would be good but then one woman was saying that she heard that when someone wants to kill themself they have a method in mind and stick to it even if it isn't logical. That is why they had to put the protective nets on the bridge over the DVP.

It was crazy. The funny thing is that the thing that shocked me the most was that so many of us were joined in this conversation. Slowly, as more people boarded the bus as we moved westward, the conversations died off and people stuck to talking to their friends in quieter voices.

Now, I am beat. And in knots. One of these days I am SO getting a massage. Tonight the only treat I get is an early bedtime.

Yellow Birds

2006-11-07T22:38:00.000-05:00

On Thursday after work I flew to Vancouver. I tried to unwind in the plane. I didn't want to carry my stress over to my fun weekend on the other side of the country. I think I have been to Vancouver about 5 times now. It is really one of my favourite places. A nice city with great shops and restaurants and mountains and water and beaches accessible to the city! But every time I had visited in the past, I had been really lucky and only experienced amazing sunny weather. This time it rained. A LOT. Something called the Pineapple Express - "a subtropical jet stream that brings warm, moist air from the south Pacific Ocean to the West Coast." Vancouver didn't get the worst of it, but it was still rather rainy. But it was actually ok. Because now I know what BC is like in the rain. And it was still fun. So good to see GENNY again! Super hospitality by the two G's and their crazy cats. Much eating of sushi (TWICE - once was Japanese tapas and then ghetto sushi!), CUPCAKES (which make me so happy and yet so ill, as I have demonstrated before), and yellow birds (delicious drinks with rum and lime and Galliano and vodka). Additionally, I got to see the Tragically Hip, Borat, and rode a ferry! Life is good. I love it when I am away from work and any stress I previously felt just melts away.

But now I am back and angry and irritated with everyone around me and mostly just feel like hiding in my room and eating pizza. I hate the darkness that comes with the winter and gloomy weather. Maybe I should buy a sun lamp. Maybe I should quit my job. Maybe I should start listening to Yanni and meditate. Maybe I should go to bed.

I've still got it

2006-11-01T22:44:00.000-05:00

Rage. Rage it what I still have. I got into a screaming match with a taxi driver who tried to refuse my fare because I wasn't going to the airport from the train station. After I had calmed down (successfully in the cab), I realized I hadn't screamed like that since arguing with people attempting to rip me off in Kenya. I hate when people try and jerk me around.

The rage I think is actually frustration stemmed from my job. These past two days have been tough.

It is a good thing that I am taking off tomorrow night for Vancouver for 4 days. I need the escape. I need to regroup. Everything is getting to me lately.

The only good news is that today I received word that Ken Weatherwax was the child actor who played Pugsley Addams on the Addams Family. Do you remember the name Ken Weatherwax? Come on, think harder.

Ken Weatherwax was one of the people mentioned in the mysterious email I received from an elderly couple in California (Phyllis and Phil Shopbell) while I was in Kenya. They thought I was someone else (probably Kathy Sangster who apparently was also in Kenya although I can't say I ever met the woman whose personality I inadvertantly stole). I initially thought the letter was a ruse put together by one of my friends. It turns out I was mistaken and it is pretty much the funniest thing that has ever happened to me. (is that sad?)

Here is the letter:

Hi Kathy - When I got your initial notification of what you are doing, I was flabergasted, but not too surprised because of the "something different" streak that runs in your veins. I commend you for your courage and go-get-'em attitude that brings your skills to many others. I don't know if I could do it. Where did you find out the information, link, etc. to all this? I guess all teachers have those hidden sources that make for unique adventures.

I'm still trying to figure out how to "pay Preston's rent." You make it more difficult being so far away. BUT I did forward a little something from Missouri when I was back recently for U. of Missouri Homecoming (hadn't been back for 46 years!). Also attended my 50th high school reunion. Anyway, I was checking on whether your house sitter, mail gatherer, etc. ran across a UPS or Fed Ex Ground package sent to you. I don't want it to be lost, just held for your return. When you get back, I'll ask you about some place you was like to have some $$ sent in your honor to help the people you have been associated with the last few months with less circumstances.

I acted as a precinct INSPECTOR (top monkey), while Phyllis was the JUDGE, for the CA Special Election two days ago, where Arnold got his come-uppance. The Precinct was our voting place at a local retirement center, Eskaton Village. Their living room was really a lot nicer than a fire station or a church. Long 15-hour day. Pizza & beer, both bad for my diabetes diet, but necessary for my sanity, was the reward after turning in voting machine, ballots, etc.

Paisley is home, having broken off her engagement to Ken Weatherwax. Hopes to find a job shortly while she finishes up her masters at the local Chapman U. campus. It's best that she explain everything to you.

Have you made a decision about whether you're going to "extend?"

All for now. Much love, PHIL

Have you ever been to Africa?

2006-10-31T20:58:00.000-05:00

I am in London, Ontario. It is terribly boring here. I did 2 presentations this morning and afterward head to my hotel where I slept for an hour, checked my work emails, then head to the local mall for something to do. There were no sidewalks for half of my walk. But it doesn't matter because everyone here drives. I realized that it will be very difficult for me to ever live in a smaller city like this where I can't walk or take public transit most places. That realization made me sad and happy at the same time.

On the way to do my presentations this morning, I took a cab. My cabbie was very friendly and asked me about my work. Suddenly he asked me, "Have you ever been to Africa?". I laughed and said "How could you tell?!!" I swear, it's like I wait for people to ask me that. He made my day! He was from Sudan originally so we chatted about Africa and Canada. It was strange but great. Seriously, how did he know?

Walking home from the mall, I was depressed. It was time for dinner and I really didn't want to go to a restaurant, although the idea of room service seemed just as gloomy. I am normally ok with eating alone in restaurants. I don't mind seeing movies or going places by myself. But for some reason, it being Halloween, it felt really sad that I was alone. Like how it is sad if you are alone on New Years or Valentine's Day. But for Halloween, it is like if you are alone, it means you have no friends. I know that isn't the case and that I am out of town for work and that I have lots of friends all over the world but I didn't want it to appear that I didn't have any friends to the stupid waiter who would be dressed up and looking at me funny as I go out to eat by myself on Halloween night.

So I went back to the hotel and ordered a completely amazing pizza. The best pizza ever. Seriously. It was delicious. And then I watched Donnie Darko. How have I never seen this film before? It was perfect for Halloween night and just so great. So good.

There was only one problem. Patrick Swayze. I know that I am supposed to respect him or something for being in such a great film (despite the fact that he plays this evil, smarmy character), but I really hate him. There is just something about him and his chin and his weird hair and eyes and the way he moves like a ballerina that creeps me out. He is the sole reason why I am one of the only females I know that doesn't like the movie Dirty Dancing. Just like how John Travolta and his similarly creepy chin, hair, eyes and dancey swagger have always made me hate the movie Grease. Am I the only one?

C'est L'Hallowe'en

2006-10-29T22:53:00.000-05:00

Very festive weekend. I attended the annual Pumkinpalooza at Chateau Nice, in which about 15 teams competed in carving pumpkins while being stuffed with food and alcohol. I WON SCARIEST PUMPKIN! I was so happy. I have never won before! At least at pumpkin carving. I did an african mask pumpkin. Later that day I went to Michele's for a low-key Halloween party at her place. We ate, we drank, we danced, we did Exorcist trivia. It was very fun. We were the Golden Girls. I was Sophia, despite my height. But I couldn't find a good Dorothy costume so it had to be Sophia or no one.

Now, after ultimate frisbee this afternoon, we set mouse traps all evening and I scrubbed the kitchen. I am anxious about the horror that comes with finding the dead mice. I really don't like that part. I really wish I knew someone who could come over and do that part for me. That is one of the main reasons I don't really want to get my own place just yet. It's the fright of having to go through something like finding a dead mouse, all on your own. At least with roommates you may scream but you also laugh about it. It's like when I was in Kenya and found the cockroach and trapped it to release it outside. It was freaky. If roommates were there, it would be more of an adventure than a nightmare.

Why you do this to me Dimi?

2006-10-27T20:44:00.000-04:00

The Exorcist is a great movie. One of my favourites. In grade 11 we watched it at Nick's house and laughed throughout the whole thing. If you listen to what Regan is saying, it is pretty funny... in a demonic way. Next came "Exorcist - the Musical". It is still a little rough around the edges, but one of these days, it will be complete.

So today my jaw is killing me and while bored at work I started to get paranoid about the pain. I couldn't remember if jaw pain was a symptom for malaria or not. So I googled 'lockjaw symptom' and found the symptoms for tetanus.

Sometimes "lockjaw" is the first symptom – the involuntary clenching of the jaw muscles. Others begin with headache and irritability, followed by muscle stiffness and then muscle spasms. The muscles are described as rigid as a board. A high fever is common.
Involuntary contractions of the facial muscles create an eerie smile. Contractions of the trunk muscles can bend a person over backward, so that only the back of the head and the heels touch the floor.
Seizures are common, as well as loss of bowel and bladder control. Sadly, the person remains fully conscious, and in extreme pain throughout the illness.

But reading this, doesn't this sound like it could be the symptoms for a possessed person? Like Regan, in the Exorcist? Without the levitating over the bed and the glowing red eyes? Or do I just have Halloween on the brain?

Michele is having a party tomorrow. Google ads beside my gmail always amuse me. For example, beside the email from Michele about the party, is an ad for JelloWrestling.com. Not just videos or photos (although there are both), but an actual business someone has started up, selling 50 lb bags of non-toxic jello, and instructional videos on how to put on your own jello wrestling party. I wonder if their company is profitable? I can't believe that Desmond didn't think of it first!

Silver linings...

2006-10-26T22:59:00.000-04:00

Suddenly my stress has taken on more physical manifestations. My jaw being sore from clenching my jaw and grinding my teeth in my sleep. The twitch in my eye is back. Shoulders tense. Heartburn/acid reflux. Yes, I know... I'm dead sexy. And then, to top it all off... yesterday evening I was looking in the mirror when I found not one but two grey hairs. Most of you are rolling your eyes at this. But other than one strange stray grey that I found in Grade 13, I haven't found grey hair before. Ever. And now, in the midst of a stressful time for me, two decide to rear their ugly heads. But I know the stress won't last much longer. Things are looking better for me, sanity-wise, come December. So I'm hoping the hairs were a fluke and that I'll have to wait another 10 years to find a couple greys. Fingers crossed.

Ok. I am sorry if anyone reading this is an exercise instructor, or is dating one or something, but every instructor at the gym I go to is a bit loopy. And I love it. There was the incident in the summer with the high instructor who wanted a car. And today my instructor was this great peppy, older woman who kept smiling big and talking directly to ME, which at first I thought was just because I hadn't been in that class before and maybe she wanted to be friendly. But then it just got a bit creepy. And then, once class had gotten into it's full swing and she wasn't just looking at me anymore (probably because I started avoiding eye contact), and she was talking about the "new release" of the class (they change the classes every 3 months to keep things fresh) and this was "Body Pump 59". She said, "wow, for a second there I thought I was 59, but I am not, I'm 49... I turn 50 next month. But I might as well be 59, celibacy is the name of the game here, kids. That's what happens when you are over 40 and divorced. There are very few things that make this body rock any more." And then she gave this hoarse cackle.

This type of talk continued on throughout the class. No one really responded. We're talking dead silence. It must be strange being an instructor, expected to be all bubbly and chatty, and when no one responds to your chat it is like you are talking into a great abyss. I guess that sometimes some pretty unexpected things come out of your mouth. Things that either make no sense at all, or are just really bizarre things to be sharing. It kept me entertained anyway. Although I kept my giggles to myself for fear that she would start talking to me again. But these crazy instructors sure inspire me to attend their classes. Much more fun that tv.

Kaberle, you let me down.

2006-10-24T23:11:00.000-04:00

It's funny when you are a fan of a team. Particularly one that loses all the time. Ok, not all the time, just when it counts. And you go to see a game, and you are all excited, and you wear your jersey and you post your messenger name as "Kat - leafs game tonight!". But then you go, and they are down by 3-0 in the first period and it doesn't even phase you, because you have never seen them win the cup, you have never seen them come even very close, so you are used to being a fan through and through. And each of the 2 goals they score (despite the fact that they eventually lose 6-2) are really great goals and you love each player like they are family (except Belak) but the game ends and you sit there and think... is it all worth it? Is it worth the $50 for the ticket (despite the fact that the awesome usher Don moved us up to the front of the section because Matt asked nicely)? Is it worth the pain of watching the team you love lose time and time again? Is it worth the defending the Leafs to all the non-believers who mock the fans who cheer despite the pain of defeat?

I don't know. But I am going to 2 more games this season, plus an open practice, and I will be watching them on tv and hoping that they have more luck when I am absent from the stands. I would rather they lose all the games I watch live and win the rest than the other way around.

I think more than anything, the camaraderie you feel with the 1000's of other fans is what makes it worth it at all. The understanding. The frustration. The hope.

I am a cheese ball. But what else is new?

Tomorrow: more work travelling to Windsor. I might hit the casino. Win a million. Fly to Tahiti. I'll let you know how it works out.

Dangerous Footwear

2006-10-23T23:05:00.000-04:00

I brought my shoes in to get fixed today. The heels had worn right down on them and the nail stud was exposed. The woman at the cobbler saw this and started yelling at me.

"I hope you haven't been wearing these! This will give you a brain tumor. You should put your health before fashion! This is your life we are talking about! That is why American shoe makers are not allowed to use metal in their heels"

A brain tumor? I was not sure what to make of this. A combination of disbelief and irritation that she was yelling at me, and yet I was also wondering if it was true. My shoes were ridiculously cheap. Yet, how would some one's shoes give them a brain tumor?

Time for some research:

Nothing on Wikipedia, but on Google I found the Industrial Shoe Company who said:

HIGH VOLTAGE hazards - where the potential electrical difference between you and energized parts must be zero to prevent shock.
FOR PROTECTION - Wear conductive shoes. These must have rubber or cork heels, no exposed metal parts, and the floors must be conductive in order for the shoes to perform.

Hopefully I didn't walk on any high voltage areas while wearing those shoes. Otherwise I could be really screwed. Although that could explain why the lights flicker on and off every time I walk into a room.

I often worry about my brain. I think that sometimes I hold my breath in my sleep. And when I was a kid I had one of those small exercise trampolines that I would constantly jump on while watching tv. Sometimes my head would make this thudding noise as if my brain was shaking around in my skull. My parents said I was imagining it but I really heard it. And then there is the whole thing with aspartame. I drink a decent amount of diet coke. Who knows anyway. If the air and water pollution doesn't kill me then the hormones and pesticides in the food will. Why not wash it all down with a big drink and try not to think about it.

Damn, I just wanted my shoes fixed.

3:10

2006-10-21T22:57:00.000-04:00

Three minutes and tens seconds of my life gone. Watching a cat on a treadmill. YouTube is the devil's spawn.

Looking at my transcripts, the only two classes that I did 'badly' in for university were "Existence, Freedom & Meaning" and "Personality". OUCH!

Cuba si?

2006-10-21T12:49:00.000-04:00

Does anyone want to go to Cuba with me? For 6 or 7 days in December (Dec 15 - 21). It was my New Year's resolution to go and I will be able to take the time off and flights are about $675 (taxes inc) from Toronto to Havana or there is even all-inclusive prices for $795 taxes included and then we (or I) could just leave the resort to stay in Havana for a few days. That is where I really want to go but it wouldn't kill me to sit on a beach for a couple days either. I was going to do a mass email about it but then felt all awkward. I guess blogging it is not exactly socially couth either. And I don't want to necessarily spend 24/7 with the person(s) I go with so if you want to do your own thing too that is cool - I just thought I would put it out there.

Night and Day

2006-10-19T23:54:00.000-04:00

Yesterday my roommates and I were discussing how we need a personal assistant. Not one each, we could share one. Lisa needs someone to help her with her homework and cooking, Corinna need someone to write her resume (and marry so she can stay in the country) and I need someone to do my laundry and tell me when to go to bed.

Because I have a major problem. Once it is like 10pm, I suddenly find 1000 things to occupy me, and regardless of my exhaustion, I dont' go to bed until after 1. All the time. Many nights I just sit at my computer going to the same webpages again and again, or I start googling people/things and it just never ends. Or suddenly I realize I HAVE to write in my blog.. because I have SO many important things to say. Then I go to bed after 1, knowing full well that I have to wake up the next morning at 6:30 and that I will be miserable in the morning, but somehow that isn't ever enough to make me actually go to sleep at a reasonable time. It is like I have this evil NIGHTTIME Kathryn who thrives on the pain and suffering that she puts MORNING Kathryn through. And let me tell you, it is not nice in the morning, after only 5 and a half hours sleep, when I have to pull myself out of bed and try and put myself together for work. I am CURSING at NIGHTTIME Kathryn, that evil bitch. Terrible.

I am thinking it stems from being the youngest kid. Growing up I always fought SO hard against my parents and babysitters when they tried to make me go to sleep. I never slept right away, I was always up listening to try and hear what I was missing, convinced that my parents and brother were PLAYING BOARD GAMES and having fun without me.

Bonkers

2006-10-17T23:22:00.000-04:00

The company I work for has posted their new commercials on YouTube. Good idea. Although I have to say that I really think the ads are stupid. But that is just my opinion.

I took a creative advertising certificate program in conjunction with my university degree. Despite violently hating some of the teaching staff, it was pretty fun. How bad can assignments be when you get to do radio jingles and produce them, or do mock-up for television commercials and present them to the class? Well, as some of my former classmates can attest, it can be pure hell at times, but in retrospect, it was a little more interesting than if we had been doing ACCOUNTING all day long.

My first forays into advertising came in Grade 4 when requested to create an ad for a product I had created. My product was "Pimple Products" and I masterminded a rap which my current BFF Cara and I videoed, complete with gangsta rap dance moves. I still remember the entire thing:

Pimple Products are the one for you
If you don't want zits then grab yourself a tube
In spray and soap and medical pads
Use this stuff cause it's really rad

Then we ended with a little voicebox sound effects and the old arm cross, we're so tough, pose. (Even funnier to keep in mind is this was during my "afro-mullet / I wear jumpsuits" days). Perhaps my great ability to write compelling ads at such a young age can be explained by some of my early influences, namely my favourite ads when I was about that age, the BONKERS commercials. Fruit flying out of the sky and falling on people! Pure hilarity! Totally rad.

How to succeed in advertising indeed. Obviously, my natural abilities and eye for great ads gives me licence to be as critical as I want of other people's work.

Greetings?

2006-10-16T23:32:00.000-04:00

Today I:

1) woke up in a foul mood
2) picked up 4 chocolate bars to give to my 2 roommates
3) told about 50 people to have a great day
4) had 2 diet cokes, a coffee, and a tea
5) think I did well on a test I didn't have time to study for
6) sent out a work email with the first line stating "GREETINGS!". I really have no idea if it was appropriate or not but nothing else seemed right. I am appalled at my new cheesy letter-writing style
7) am up late trying to catch up on work emails
8) did a crossword
9) don't have the time or the energy to write anything else

Legislating Sin

2006-10-12T22:34:00.000-04:00

It snowed today. It was pretty, but cold because I wasn't wearing socks. I went to go see the Departed. It was really gory but really good. I liked it a lot.

Some days I really struggle with this blog. Not only what to write, but should I write at all. What is the point? Seems like a bit of a vanity project. And at times I read it and it is so irritating. It is like when you hear the sound of your voice played back to you.

Today a lady I met at an event I was attending had some strange coincidences happen to her. She met not one but two people who lived in houses she used to live in. And they were all visitors from different cities, here for this one event. Strange. People kept saying she should buy a lottery ticket. What the hell does that mean? Just because of strange coincidences means you are lucky? Maybe people figure the stars are aligned and so you should test your luck to see what happens next.

I have had my own coincidences. Last week on the plane to Thunder Bay I sat beside an older lady took out her laptop and watched Star Trek: Deep Space Nine the whole flight. We didn't speak until the landing gear was about to come down and then somehow we found out we both lived in Kenya and climbed Mount Kenya. She did it about 20 years ago. Then at the wedding I just went to there was a guy I knew, only through friends who I hadn't really spoken to since high school. We did the whole... "so, what have you been up to" bit, and craziness occurs yet again... turns out he was living in Nairobi 2 years ago, same type of job as me. Loved it as much as I did. He said it doesn't get any easier as time goes on, the missing it. And then today at the event, someone came up to talk to me and I could have sworn his accent was familiar. I wanted to ask if he was from Kenya but I thought it would be rude to assume that one of the few African guys in Sudbury was from Kenya. Turns out he was. And another girl he brought over. They live in Kimani, which is not far from Nairobi. We spoke some Kiswahili and exchanged emails.

Talking to them brought something back that I don't remember when I talk to westerners who had similar experiences to me. Talking to them I felt something I forgot about. It is the guilt. Like that I should do something for them. Because I have so much here, so easily. And they are so excited to be in Canada, but I know where they come from and what it is like there and that they are going to live the rest of their lives there, struggling, even if they get a good job, and it is upsetting. And it reminded me how I felt almost every day when I was in Kenya. I did have the best moments of my life there. Every day was really great, unbelievable. But that feeling was there too. And that kind of weird helplessness. That no matter what you do, it will never be enough. It won't change things.

And then I read in the economist today that Katherine Harris, a US republican senate candidate told a crowd of Baptists that "If you're not electing Christians, then in essence you are going to legislate sin." Where the hell do these people come from and who the hell is so stupid to want to vote for someone who spews that kind of crap!?? I just don't get it.

New Addiction

2006-10-11T23:36:00.000-04:00

My obsession with maps and countries and cities continues. This game is addictive. A city and country name pop up and you have 10 seconds to click on a world map where you think the city is. Then you are marked depending on how fast it took you and how close you are to the city. After 10 cities you see your averages. I am good with getting the countries right but with huge countries like Russia that I know almost nothing about, it can really screw you up when your guess is over 10000km off! Stupid Russia!! Anyway, I am addicted but it is ok because I was just sitting in a hotel room in Sudbury doing nothing much anyway. For those of you NOT from Northern Ontario - try finding Sudbury on a world map!

Thanks, Peder for the link!